Friday, February 26, 2010

Cosmo is Not Your Friend


OK, This is a little bit embarrassing.

I shaved my face. My entire face.

I read in Cosmo that models often shave their faces because makeup goes on way better without the tiny blond hairs all over the place.


I have tried it before and it worked really well. You only have to do it every 4 or 5 months. I thought that since I have done it before that I was now a professional face shaver. So I did it kind of fast.

Now my right eyebrow is totally jacked up.

Thanks Cosmo. I blame this on you.

If you ever decide to do this, take your time. And please, mind your eyebrows. amen.

Friday, February 19, 2010

10 Goals in 1001 Days

Most of my friends are overachievers and have these ridiculous list that outline how productive and awesome they are are. Their goals include getting a masters degree, potty-training twins, learning sign language and curing cancer. If you want to play that game.... fine.

I can be awesome and set goals too.

Who's over-productive now???



1. Make a dinner that Jared can eat without watering eyes and plugging his nose.

2. Go 4 months consecutively without a car wreck.

3. Quit candy for 3 days straight. Actually lets make it 1 day straight.


4. Get a real job, and by real job, I mean a job that I don't make fun of to my friends.


5. Get a puppy or have a baby, not
both. (Puppies are WAY cheaper if you were wondering).
6. Accept that I will never be Black and that people will always look at me when I bust out the loud rap music in my Honda Civic. I will never be able to say, "Girl! You best stay away from my man!" without serious repercussions.

I am still in the denial stage on this one. I feel that with a lot of prayer, meditation and soul searching I may one day be able to accept that I am white.

7. Continue my unhealthy obsession with
Survivor while completely ignoring Jared for 1 hour every Thursday night 8/7 central standard time.

8. Shower more.

9. Pray enough that something as awesome as
Rasputin will happen again, the sooner the better.

10. Blog more.



Lofty goals, I know.

Disclaimer: Keep in mind that I reserved 1001 days to complete this list and I have a tendency to procrastinate.

Saturday, February 13, 2010

Meet Anthony

After a couple requests from the three people that read this blog, I will once again procrastinate my schoolwork and write mean things about others.



This is Anthony.
He sucks really bad. He was my manager when I worked at Lucky Jeans.
I used to take pride in making him cry, until I found out that crying was one of his hobbies.

I think after you read the following you will probably want to make him cry too.

1. He in a 25 year old boy who wears Capri pants with Ed Hardy slip on shoes.

Please hold your anger in. There is more. Consider the following:

2. Claimed to be Armenian but was really Mexican. Why would you lie about your heritage? Especially when your last name is Guerrero?
Answer: he sucks.

3. Complains that he hasn't had a boyfriend for 5 years. But what do you expect when your mom doesn't even like you?

4. He had a weird obsession with me, always wanting me to try on all his favorite women clothes then commenting on how if he was a girl, he would want to be me.
I told him I was confused because I already thought he was a girl.

5. When a cute customer came in I would tell Anthony to ask him out, to which Anthony replied, "Never! I'm a lady!" then I would shake my head in disgust.

6. Anthony had MAJOR power issues. He loved to schedule the staff on days they had specifically requested off, to "test" their "passion" for Lucky. I really think he didn't realize that sales people working for $10 and hour are not going to prove their love for retail....ever.

7. He has an associates degree in Musical Theater. Seriously.

8. He would put an extra quarter or dollar bill in the registers at night so he knew if we were counting the entire thing in the morning. If we claimed the registers were even, he would know we didn't count them. When I confronted him on this he claimed it happens to him too, and there is probably a ghost somewhere in our store. I told him that that was nice that the ghost wants to give me money and I would enjoy it at the vending machines. From then on he always took money out instead of putting extra in.
He would also unfold a pair of jeans to see if anyone would notice, then freak out if no one did. C-R-A-Z-Y.

9. He was extra moody around his period and never re-payed me for the tampons he used.



He was fired right before Christmas, which is awesome.

I hope none of you have an Anthony in your lives.
If you do it is probably a good idea to buy him some tampons. And remember to wash your hands if you touch anything he touched.

amen.

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