Tuesday, June 1, 2010

How To Earn a 4-year Degree in 7 Years


Wednesday, May 19, I participated in my fake graduation ceremony.
Fake because all they handed me was a blank sheet of paper inside a red leather folder.
Also fake because I still have 3 summer classes before I actually earn the degree.

Though a lie, my graduation was monumental nonetheless.
As I waltzed across the stage alongside the other 1200 graduates, I felt in my heart that I was about to change the world for the better. Nothing like a state university's mass graduation can fill your soul with determination and resolve take on human poverty and global warming. Listening to the same two announcers read names for over 3 hours will do that to you.
When you earn a degree in Sociology you just know you will be successful and make a huge impact on the world.

Graduating in 4 years is for wussies.

Have you ever wondered how you can push your graduation date back a few years?
Follow these steps to extend your 4 years at college into a more substantial chunk of time:

1. From a young age, tell your parents that you hate college and there is no way you are going. Do absolutely nothing to ensure your place at a reputable university. This will show your parents that your teenage angst is serious and not even messing around. When you realize that Assistant Manager at a mall is not you goal in life you hurry and to apply the the crappiest college you can think of.

2. Transfer to a bunch of different schools. Not only will you lose a ton of credits, you will lose money, time, and patience. I only transferred to 5 different schools, but with more ambition I am sure you could at least enroll at 9 adding 3-4 years onto your career as a professional student.

3. Move into your father-in-laws basement and quit school for a few semesters so you can travel to awesome places.

4. Transfer again.

5. Take a ton a of cool classes that have nothing to do with your major like, History of Rock and Roll, Beginning Pottery, Costume Design, Intro to Bee-keeping and Ballroom Dancing.

6. Fail math class 3 different times at 3 different schools.

7. Don't choose your major until you are a senior.


Follow this action plan and you too can be the proud owner of a $30,000 piece of paper.

2 comments:

  1. My cute husband is also earning a 4year degree in 7 years. How cute. Only he is at Westminster which is $19k per year. So the cost of his little adventure has me a little bitter.

    Congrats of finally graduating. What the heck are you supposed to do with yourself now that you can't blame your place in life on the fact that you are a student?

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  2. emily! i didn't know you graduated. the long ceremony whomps, but aren't you glad it's over? {after summer, of course} now you can join the ranks of graduates who will work doing nothing that has to do with their degree. or who knows, you may get lucky...

    congrats nonetheless!

    ~anelieze :)

    ReplyDelete

Speak with your heart or your private parts, either one is fine with me.

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