Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Meet Sara

  • She is my bratty little sister.
  • She's 10 years younger than me.
  • Her sarcastic/witty attitude is coming along quite nicely.
  • She is going through puberty as we speak.

She is starting to look like me too. It kinda creeps me out.

Bratty Sister:
At least I am the pretty one...............

But I'm sure that her 50-year-old face will be much better than my 60-year-old face. At least until I load up on Botox and Juvederm.














Last time I visited Utah we had a Throw-Down.
Sara thought she could wrestle me. But my old woman strength and pure mean-ness pinned her down in 5 seconds. Booyah!

Another Throw-Down is scheduled for Thanksgiving.

Monday, July 26, 2010

My Hair

Thanks to prenatal vitamins I've been taking for a few years my hair is the longest it's been for a long time. After a disastrous haircut that looked like a mullet with thin wispy strands coming out everywhere, I vowed never to cut my hair short again. And when I do get my hair cut I specify that I don't want a hipster-emo mullet.

The only problem is that I find my hair everywhere.

  • in the dryer's lint catcher
  • on my pillow
  • stuck in my broom
  • on Jared's shirt
  • my bathroom floor and counters
  • weaved in my toothbrush
  • one time in the Chinese food I made
  • in Jared's face when were making out
  • hiding in the nooks in my car

and the worst is when I find it after it gathers into:

  • my butt-crack in the shower
Then I have to dig it out and stick it to the shower wall. Bleh.

But even worser than the worst is after our someone stays at our house and I find their private hairs in the shower and/or the toilet seat.
The men is Jared's family are especially hairy, except for Jared because he is perfect (and shaves). So when Jared's bro, Baby Brian, stayed with us a few weeks ago I had to keep an eye out for runaway pubes.Furry toilet after Baby Brian was done punishing it. :(

Thanks for spending time reading about such important issues. amen.

Thursday, July 22, 2010

Exercise Ball

The best $16.99 I have spent in the last 6 months was on my exercise ball.
I spend a lot of time staring at computer screens and textbooks pretending to do homework, so what is better than getting a little workout while I'm doing it?

Now I use it all the time, as this picture by Jared illustrates:


amen.

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

The Barranca

Jared called the ravine across the street a "barranca." I told him that he can't just go around making up words.
To my surprise I found that barranca is actually legit

Courtesy of Merriam-Webster:

Barranca
plural - Barrancos
1
: a deep gully or arroyo with steep sides
2
: a steep bank or bluff

Now I use the word all the time because it sounds cool.
barranca.
barranca.
barranca.


Sadly, yesterday the barranca caught fire.

The entire mountainside is now ashes.

I just know it was some stupid teenager trying to rebel by smoking pot in the back country of wholesome Camarillo, California. There are always these tweens parking in front of our house then hiking up the barranca to play"I'll show you mine if you show me yours". gross.


On second thought, it could have been one of the various homeless people that camp up there from time to time.


Friday, July 9, 2010

How to be White Trash

Now that I am a certified Sociologist (thanks CSUN!!!) I can comment on societies problems with slightly more authority than before.

Today's Topic: White Trash


Pulling up to a beautiful secluded cove in Powell only to see it littered with garbage was a testament to how many white trash people run amok on our planet. My earth-loving sister in law trolled around camp gathering all the junk other people had littered.
Dirty diapers, used toilet paper, plastic bottles, beer cans and golf tees were among the treasures she found.


I am an
equal opportunity hater so when I refer to "white trash" it pertains more to behavior than "whiteness." All races may be labeled white trash so long as they exhibit some or all of the following behaviors:
  • Littering pristine campsites with no regard for nature, beauty or other campers
  • Drinking Keystone light, especially if you stack it all in a pyramid on your boat at the marina then take a million pictures of it
  • Wearing anything with a beer logo
  • You name your kid after a car, band or favorite alcohol
  • White shirt, no bra
  • More hair on your body than on your head
  • Are this guy
  • Drive a car that is nicer than your trailer-home.... so people think you are cool when your hittin up the clubs dawg!
  • Spend your food stamps on People Magazine
  • Use the motorized shopping scooters at Albertsons just because you are lazy
  • Put your kids on a leash (I am totally going to do this by the way, I already have a leash and choke chain)
  • Face tattoos
  • Purchasing your underwear from 25 cent machines. I found these at a roadside cafe while in Rome, Italy. I assume supplying emergency underwear is a lucrative business in places where wine flows like water.

I have witnessed a majority of this madness in the past 2 weeks alone. Obviously this is not a conclusive list, as many other behaviors are considered W.T.
Feel free to contribute to the list. amen.

Monday, July 5, 2010

My Chacos

The last week of my life was spent ditching school, work and other important responsibilities to explore Lake Powell. Though I am not sure if I am still employed, you would ditch out too if you could chill here:

What is awesome about this picture (besides that I am in it)???

How about the fact that I am strolling up a steep slippery rock with the grace of a ninja?

Behold..................Chacos.
The best shoes ever made. ever.


I can do whatever I want when I am wearing these. I run up whatever rocks I want to summit. They grip onto everything and will never fall off. You can imagine how awesome my tan lines are. Nothing is as classy as a girl who hasn't showered for a week wearing a pair of these.


I have had them for five years and they are still way better than your sandals. I promise your life would be way better if you bought some.


They are the only shoes I pack when I go to Lake Powell. I am funnier, prettier, and more charming when I wear them. Just ask Jared's family.





I even wear them when I sleep just in case I have to pee in the middle of the night. There is no way I'm popping a squat with out the peace and comfort my Chacos give me.



Let's not forget how useful they are if you want to scoop out dead carp before you go swimming.
More amazing Lake Powell stories to follow. amen.

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