Tuesday, August 31, 2010

E is for Emily



Courtesy of Urban Dictionary, All you ever need to know about an Emily is right here.

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

C is for Citation

I had to take a class this summer (and one this fall) to completely finish my degree. I thought I was too smart for the CSUN parking patrol officers and decided not to pay for the $180 summer parking pass.

I only had class twice a week so I figured that the probability of getting a ticket was slim to none.
Plus I like to beat the system.
(Especially after paying $2300 for a 5 credit class).

Regardless of my calculated parking, on the last day of class I found a pink slip on my windshield. After mumbling a few choice words directed at the parking officers, I was somewhat relieved to find that my citation was only $45.


I was angry but
as I sat at my desk to write the check out, I rationalized that I received an entire semester of parking for $45. That is a $135 savings.

Take that CSUN.


Instead of writing obscenities on the envelope I did this instead:


I win again. amen.

P.S. Feel free to send any hate mail to the above address.

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

A is for Average

My job search has not been going very well. So instead of playing tennis, hiking and visiting my friends newborn babies, I am going to actually send in some resumes to some places.

Looking at my resume is somewhat depressing as it is completely and utterly AVERAGE.

It basically looks like this:

School: Cal State - Typical school - Average degree
GPA: Above average -
(But I did go to a state university)
Work Experience - Lame college jobs at ordinary retail locations

Volunteer experience - Ample but average

I also will include a a cover letter, as I am obviously a professional.

To Potential Employer,

I have little experience in the Social Work field but I do have a degree if that means anything to you. I would love a job where I get paid a lot, not only with money but also with emotional reward, so I feel like I am doing something worthwhile in the world (If anyone needs karmic retribution, I do). And I would like to wear whatever I want everyday. I prefer jeans and flip flops.
I don't like to wake up before 8am and want to spend Saturdays with my husband, not at work.

I look forward to hearing from you,
emily


Pretty professional. I know. I should have a real job in no time.

Friday, August 6, 2010

Not Private!

Dear 4 people reading this,

I am sorry I had to go private for a few days.

I am looking for a real job and did not want potential employers to Google my name and find this fiasco.


To be clear, I am not trying to hide anything, I would just prefer the employer to have an unbiased opinion of me.

The fact that I accidentally shaved off my own eyebrow is not something I want an interviewer to ask me about. It is embarrassing.

I also do not want them to know in advance how witty and charming I am. I want them to be able to find out on their own.
My wit is more refreshing when unexpected.

So, for the next few weeks/months/years until I find a real job I may go private from time to time. But rest assured that I would never go private with out inviting you, the 4 people that read this.
I crave attention way too much.

ah-men.

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