I've committed a horrible sin.
Yes, I've broken the cardinal rule of all rules. The coup de grace of all mortal blows. The question that can only end up embarrassing both the asker and the recipient.
I asked a chick if she was pregnant.
Where: Outback Steakhouse in Dayton, Ohio
Who: Me (the waitress) and an unsuspecting customer
Why: I was young and naive
I swear this 30-something year old chick looked 7 months pregnant. Plus, she and her date were holding hand across the table all night talking about kids. When I handed them the check, I inquired about their impending Due Date.
Me: So, when are you due?
Unsuspecting Chick: um, excuse me?
Me: Uhhhhhh... when are you due (*cough*)
UC: I think I misunderstood you, say it again?
Me: Here's your check.
Then I ran away. I also paid another waiter $5 to go pick up their credit card so I wouldn't have to face the angry couple. I didn't get a tip. Did I learn my lesson??? OF COURSE NOT! I even discussed this last week at a dinner with a group of friends. We all agreed that the question of pregnancy is to be avoided no matter what. A couple days later I did this:
When: 2 Days ago
Where: A store at the mall
Who: The salesgirl
Why: I am a flat out idiot
The sales girl looked knocked up. She was actually wearing a maternity shirt that the store had displayed in the front window. I put it together: maternity shirt + pregnant looking stomach = 100% pregnant. WRONG! I felt like such a jerk-off I stayed and talked to her for 10 minutes about her kids. I even looked at pictures of them and said, "Awwwww! They are precious! Look at all that hair!"
Then I left and Jared called me dumb.
Pregnant or fat? That is the question. And I will never ask it again.
I hereby promise to never ask another human that question ever, ever, ever. May God forgive me. amen.