Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Prune Juice


I am getting old.

Evidence:

A couple of years ago I had to get glasses. Now I squint when I forget to put my contacts in.
I order the early bird special at Yolanda's.
I have some wrinkles.
My boobs are not where they used to be.
I used to love Forever 21 and Charlotte Russe but now they make me gag.
I totally get constipated and drink prune juice.
I am in bed by 9:30.
I enjoy Jeopardy. I watch it with Jared's grandma.
I listen to Talk Radio.
I use Costco coupons religiously.
I have poor bladder control.
I have a kid.
I bet I smell weird.

Does anyone know how much Adult Diapers Cost???

Monday, August 1, 2011

M is for Mad

Let's talk about feelings. I feel pissed off. I also feel mad.
Here is some stuff that contributes to my loss of faith in mankind:
  • When other people babies are cuter than mine
  • Gum-spitter-outers-on-sidewalk
  • The fact that men can't breastfeed
  • The idiot with 37 items in the 10 items or less checkout lane
  • Strangers who touch Cryin Ryan's face with their infected germ laden hands
  • Slow drivers in the fast lane
  • The price of diapers
  • AIDS
  • People who leave poop in public toilets
  • Loud cell phone talkers
  • Loud people on airplanes. Don't these idiots realize that custom dictates everyone shuts up after departure? no one else on the entire plane is talking except for these morons. It ruins the entire flight. That's why I pack earplugs.
  • Guys that hit on me when I clearly have a wedding ring and a baby.
  • Use of the cliché, "At the end of the day"
  • When I think Cryin' Ryan took a dump and then I go to change his diaper and only find a little poop stamp.... What a waste of a diaper.


That is all.

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