Tuesday, July 31, 2012

Cat Meat

A little while ago, I was helping a friend by hanging out with her two cute girls. The girls are 5 and 8 years old, and cuter than kittens in a boot.

We went to the Camarillo Street Festival and looked around at all those booths with the same overpriced crap they have at every town fair. You know, the ones with embroidered dog jackets and homemade jewelry... Then we checked out all the creepy carnival rides that cost more than I paid for my last tank of gas. I hate getting ripped off (especially by carnies), so I only let the kids go on one ride.... even though they had their own money. 

I also don't trust the carnies as they all look rapey. Letting the girls only go on one ride reduced their possible abduction status by at least 65%.

Later, at my house the girls wanted to check out my my awesome jungle of a backyard. My yard has sidewalk pathways around it. We were making our rounds and I noticed something by the corner patio.

We all walked closer to it. I could tell this was no good. It was too late to make the kids back up. They had already seen it: 


A partially decomposed house-cat.

Instead of being scared and grossed out, the girls were stoked.

Then the 8 year old said the awesomest thing I have heard for weeks.

"I've never seen Cat meat..."

That's correct. She saw a rotting aminal carcus and thought it was cool she could see the meat. And she called the insides "meat".
amen.

Saturday, July 7, 2012

Pee + Poo = The Zoo

I spent yesterday at the Santa Barbara Zoo with the Boys and Girls Club. 
This was awesome for 3 reasons:
  1. Cryin Ryan came with me.
  2. I got to walk around the entire day with my smart-a$$ friend/boss Lisa and make fun of everything.
  3. All the kids were cute, happy and funny. As always.
Every time I asked the kids if they were having fun they would reply with wide eyes and big smiles.

  • "I saw the elephant poop! I was a BIG poop!"
  • "The gorilla pooped! Right in front of us!"
  • "I saw the animals privates!"
  • "The giraffe peed!"
  • "The vultures neck looks like a penis!"

Wait... Lisa said the last one, not the kids.

Why is the highlight of everyone's day at the zoo ALWAYS involve animals peeing, pooping and/or flashing?

Check out these cinematic masterpieces:

(Pay special attention to how happy the people in the background are. You know that was the best part of their day.)










You know this dude had to have an awkward conversation with his kid on the way home:


I think in the future when we have to give Cryin Ryan the sex talk.... we'll just take him to the zoo. amen.

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