Tuesday, November 6, 2012

Faith in Mankind Restored (a little bit)


I have been a literal psycho ever since this happened.
I am so paranoid that I keep firearms ready and accessible in most every room in the house (in child proof safes of course).




Whenever I see a man between the ages of 18 and 74, I assume he is a pedophile, rapist and/or a murderer.(Or a healthy mixture of all three.)
At the "Do it Yourself" Car wash a few days ago, I locked my keys and Pee-Baby in the hot car.



Way to go Mom-of the-Year.

Earlier while I was going to get change, I passed a few of the other self-serve stalls and judged all the creepy dirty men in them to be sex offenders. 
I usually look at every dude I see and then speculate the crimes they probably committed.

For Example, I passed each stall and thought:

                   Short, stumpy and bald guy with yellow teeth - public lewdness, forced rape

                   Tall skinny dude dressed in mechanics outfit - domestic assault and rape

                   White flowing hair and weathered face - possestion of child porn and rape

Pretty much anyone with a peen is guilty of rape in my book. 
 After judging everyone, I returned to my car and to see the keys sitting on the driver's seat and Cryin' Ryan locked inside.  


Lucky for me, my phone was right next to my keys.
It was hot outside and Ryan was crying and looking at me with sad/cute eyes. 

Having no other choice I had to ask one of the rapists if I could use his cell phone. I asked the short stumpy guy. He let me use it immediatly. 

I called Jared, he was 25-35 min away.

I was about to cry because it was so hot outside and cars heat up fast. Before I knew it, Short and Stumpy guy had recruited Tall Skinny Dude and White Flowing Hair to try to help me. 

One of them had a slim jim and tried to get the door unlocked. 
Honda CR-V's are notoriously hard to break into and nothing was working. 



Within a few minutes a van barreled into the car wash right in front of me. Another rapey dude jumped out. His van said AAA. White Flowing Hair had called his friend who worked for Automotive Club of America.




He ran over to my car and fished the keys out within 3 min. 

I was so touched and grateful that 4 strangers had put their lives on hold and rushed to my assistance. I am pretty sure they all had quarters in the car wash machine and were losing valuable wash time.

Within 10 minutes of me locking Ryan in the car, I was able to get him out. 

Maybe I should stop judging everyone in my head so much. 
Lesson learned.



P.S. It would be a lot easier if convicted sex offenders had to get the words "SEX OFFENDER" tattooed on their foreheads, right? I will be writing a letter to my state senator about this.

3 comments:

  1. oh my HELL I didn't even hear about this story where have I been!

    I do the EXAACTT Same towards strangers with a peen. Mostly they're my neighbors in my apartment complex, which also includes some hefty women who are in the same boat. blah.

    Glad they helped you out!!

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  2. This story would have turned out a lot differently if you didn't look like you. Count your blessings your a MILF. (And just because they didn't rape you doesn't mean they didn't think about it... )

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  3. I'm so glad I'm not the only one who depends on guns to keep me alive and safe. But I'm glad all those creepos were able to help you out.

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Speak with your heart or your private parts, either one is fine with me.

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