Thursday, July 16, 2015

Sister Harassment

I'm the only person allowed to harass and threaten my family.
If anyone else does, I foam at the mouth, grow fangs, squeeze out chest hair, and drop actual testicles.
It's serious.

Even with my sis, Feg. I can be mean sometimes, but if anyone messed with her I would literally fight them. I'm talking hair in a bun, Vaseline on face, and a healthy dose of white trash rage.

I wouldn't even say sorry unless the judge made me.... but I wouldn't mean it. at. all.

I really hope nobody ever really hurts my family because I don't want to go to jail.
Unapologetic Mormon girls don't fare well in prison.

A few months ago my little sister Rachel showed me a whole bunch of text messages from her Ex-Boyfriend's idiot friend, whom I'll refer to as Kris Kerns since that's his name.

Kris was getting thug-style with his sassy texts. He called Rachel a slut, whore, and every other word regarding her proported prostituteness.

What an unoriginal idiot.

He also was a gentleman by telling Rachel how huge her ass was (sorry I swore Gayle!!!!!!!!), how fat she is and how ugly she is.

This is my Sis:

This is Kristopher Kerns:

Texts continued. He started threatening to fight her. A grown man trying to fight a girl.

Rachel showed me all the texts a few days later. I was pretty bored that day so I started frothing at the mouth.
I started texting him. He did not appreciate my refreshing wit.
Kris Kerns kept text-harrassing Rachel so I researched his Facebook profile and I drew him this:

(I covered up the bad word with green/sad face because this is a family blog and I am a lady. Also, if you don't think I'm a lady, look at how fancy I drew his name on the left. If you don't think that's ladylike you can leave this blog right now.)

He did not appreciate my artwork either :( so I sent it to a few of his friends and after a lot of funny texting, Kris stopped.
He has not contacted Rachel since.

I heard Kris got pretty mad about the picture and deleted all traces of it.
A few days later I received this:


BTW, I would like to set one thing straight. Though I occasionally harass my family, I would NEVER, EVER call them Fagita Pita.


  1. I would sport one of those t shirts so hard. Good for you for standing up for your beautiful sister. This guy is an ass clown.

  2. Your sisters aren't cool enough to handle a name like Fagita Pita. Maybe some day. You definitely are tho.

  3. Is it true rachel turned into a cocaine addict and was a cam girl? Guess it some ways he was right.

  4. Fuck you... this is harassment to. Your real big of a person to harass someone online.... way to be the bigger person.. grow the fuck up!!!!


Speak with your heart or your private parts, either one is fine with me.


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