Friday, August 14, 2015

Christmas 2014

  
 
Since it's August I figure it's a perfect time to recap last year's Christmas.
 
Most Mom Blogs chronicle the lives of their families. Where they are going, who they visit, what they eat, or the cute things their kids did.
 
 
I prefer to outline some of what goes on in my messed up brain and pepper it with nastiness.
 
But, since I'm Mormon and Mormons love journaling, I'm going to freaking journal.
 
My parents live in the outskirts of Herriman with all the mountain folk. It's pretty fancy. They even have gates at the entrance to keep all the old people in.
 
Can I just say that I adore mountain folk?
 
An older couple threw the best Christmas party ever, ever, ever. They invited everyone in their closed community and told them to bring kids and grandkids.
I don't know about you, but I hate paying for strange children to have fun. Gross.
 
About 60 kids attended and everyone was super grossed out.
 
They had the party in their cute horse barn, with all the horses in their stables so people could pet them.
 
 
 



I even wore flannel so I would blend in with the natives.

 Some guy dressed as Santa and rode in on horseback, then all the kids got a ride.
The best part was that Santa handed out presents to ALL THE KIDS. ALL 60ISH OF THEM.

Every kid got a handmade knitted hat, scarf, and a big cozy blanket. Thats a lot of knitting. It turned out that 3 elderly ladies had been knitting all year in preparation for this party. They sat to the side as every kid got excited and cozied up in their new knitwear. They were grinning and laughing more than the children. How awesome.
This just reinforces my love for old people.

They also had food and hot chocolate which is braggable.

 




Of course, during the holiday season we hit up a few family parties. Husband got a really fancy white elephant gift:






Shave with me Barbie, courtesy of my cousin Alyssa. It had real human hair glued all over the legs and armpits.





Utah has this train ride that the turn into the polar express for the holidays. It was amazing and the kids loved it.





 


We had barely moved into our house, boxes were everywhere, but the Christmas tree was up. We didn't have a tree because I am cheap and whiney. My parents let me barrow on of their sets of tree decorations. I actually picked these out for them a few years ago, so of course the tree was awesome.


Then my awesome parents said they matched my house perfectly and GAVE them to me!!! I was stoked since I knew how much the entire set up cost. A lot.






We made/destroyed gingerbread houses.










Ryan had a good time peeing in the snow, but also liked when I filled water guns with food color.



 
 
 
It was soooooo awesome being near family for the holidays, but I missed California.
 
I creeped around my :favorite Grandma Alice and my mom. Gross.




I LOVE Christmas more than a human should.




Is it too early to start decorating now?

Just kidding. I hate clutter.

Monday, August 3, 2015

Menage a` Carrots



Our house came with two grow boxes. Soil and irrigation was already set up. I felt like it would be a shame to not plant something.

I had never planted a garden before but I did watch an episode of Bill Nye the Science Guy so I had the general idea.
 
Ryan and I skipped to Walmart to buy the cheapest seeds we could find.
I made sure they were NOT ORGANIC since I hate that crap.





I made Ryan plant everything since I am a firm believer in child slave labor.




I felt the need to use fertilizer, weed killer, and pesticide just so I wouldn't be contributing to the organic lifestyle.





Surprisingly, everything started growing.

This is where it gets a little embarrassing.

My Facebook feed is often filled with pictures of how awesome other people's lives are.
I was a little proud that I actually grew something, so my dumb-a decided to post a picture of my vegetables with the caption "First Harvest!" like I was a pro at gardening and this was just another day in the life of a productive, healthy-eating parent/liar.






I should have captioned it "Holy Crap! Idiots can grow plants!!!"

Once I had accomplished my goal of growing stuff, my adult ADHD quickly led me to lose all interest.

I had bought some small watermelon sprouts since our seeds weren't growing. Instead of planting them I just let them die.

 






I quit watering everything for a while so all the peas died.







Pumpkins took over an entire grow box and are starting to dominate the other one.






Our neglected carrots got lonely and had an orgy. Which is fine because they are adults and can make their own decisions.






I was going to be healthy and eat the carrots, but they reminded me of Cheetos so I ate those instead.


At least I can cross making a salad from food I grew off my life's to do list.
Next year I plan on using the grow boxes as Baby Tyler's potty training litter box as that seems more practical.



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