I thought I would be a cool mom and dress up to go Trick-or-Treating.
I had splurged and bought skunk accessories mainly because there was a chic on the package dressed as a sexy skunk and I thought it was funny that someone thought dressing up as an animal that sprays stink out it's b-hole was sexy.
I put a big bowl of candy and a sign on the front porch for other Trick-or-Treaters because I'm not lame enough to not contribute to the cause. (Of course it was gone when we got home.)
Also, when we were home I gave extra candy to any teenagers because I always Trick-or-Treated as a teen and got super mad when people were annoyed at us and said we were too old.
You think teenagers don't like dressing up and getting free candy? Well, they do.
We got all dressed up and ready to go out.
I ran to the bathroom since I have given birth twice and now have to pee like a fire hose all the time.
I hurried and came out of the bathroom and noticed my pants felt wet. I looked behind me and there was a trail of water on the floor. I followed it back to the toilet.
I thought, "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!"
I forgot about my skunk tail when I peed and it had marinated in the toilet while I went. AND the remnants were all over the floor.
I cleaned it up fast and tried to wash my tail in the sink. I was not about to waste $8 and not wear my skunk outfit.
I met Jared in front of the house. He asked why my tail was wet.
I told him it's not his problem and he needed to mind his own business..... after he took a picture.
We went all around the neighborhood with my wet tail sloshing behind me like a dead fish. It was uncomfortable.
Uncomfortable because of the wet tail but also uncomfortable because of my level of disgusting-ness.
Also, one of the reasons I wanted to go Trick-or-Treating was to peek in all my neighbors beautiful houses. They were super nice inside and now I hate them all even more. Especially Amy and Eliza.
P.S. Also, last week I let a marshmellow melt in my crotch at the doctor's office. Disgusting.