Friday, February 26, 2016
1 Million Tacos
I've never played the lottery. I cant justify buying a ticket at the gas station when there is a bag of Reese's Pieces right next to the register for the same price.
In any situation, I always pick the Reese's Pieces.
Even after I gave birth to my children, if there happened to be one nurse handing me my newborn and another nurse handing me a family sized bag of Reese's Pieces, I would instinctively reach for the candy.
Then I'd probably try to breastfeed it.
With all the Powerball hype a month ago, I was thinking about how cool it would be to win a big chunk of money.
I'm sure most people have thought about this.
Let's say, hypothetically, I won a million dollars.
Let's say I was not allowed to do anything responsible with it. No investing, no saving, no donations to charity.
In no particular order, here's what I'd do:
I would buy a huge white rapist van because those things are fun to drive.
Buy a human sized net to keep in the van.
When I go to Walmart and I would buy whatever food I wanted, even if it wasn't on sale..... especially if it wasn't on sale.
I would wait until my kids were older then take them on a trip around the world.
I would visit:
Everest base camp in Nepal
Auschwitz Concentration Camp
And all the other cool places I could think of including Tijuana, Mexico.
I would buy a bed so I could be a real adult. My Mattress on the floor reminds me of a college apartment. My mattress is one of the best things in my life and it deserves better than that.
I would buy a lifetime subscription to National Geographic.
I would buy a lifetime pass for Jared and I to Brighton Ski Resort and by "lifetime pass" I mean a buttload of marijuana since all the lifties can be easily bribed with a joint, which is cheaper than the actual ski pass since I am a shrewd, but diplomatic, negotiator.
I would build a padded room to store my children in. The pads would be high quality and plastic covered so I could hose the place down after any body fluid accidents. There would also be a drain in the middle.
I could think of a million other things to buy too, but let's be honest....
We all know I would totally end up spending all the money on 1 million tacos from taco bell.