Wednesday, February 24, 2016

Stink Tyler



Tyler stinks.

I know humans can smell pretty gross in general but I had no idea a baby poop could reach this magnitude of stink.



Even when he was a newborn and breast fed his poop was pretty unpleasant, which was weird because generally breast fed babies dumps don't really smell like anything.




EVERYONE who has ever babysat him comments on how foul his dirty diapers are. For real. T-bags poop is so vile that people take the time to comment on it.



Tyler's stench made my friend Marianne so grossed out she messed up her song on the piano.
It is not normal.




Something is genetically wrong with his insides. His guts have to be rotten.

When he poops Ryan feels the need to vividly describe how offensive the poop is.

Some especially creative descriptions include:

Hey MOOOOOOOMMMMM! Tyler smells like

  • dead lizards are in his butt
  • rotten turkey
  • old maple syrup
  • 1000 rotten eggs
  • someone put dog poop in his diaper
  • two hamsters killed each other in a fight
  • a long neck dinosaur poop
  • potato-ish
Now my brain can imagine what dead hamsters smell like and I can't ever forget that.

Changing his diaper is the low point of my day.

Have you ever literally felt a smile drop off your face? I don't mean like you lose your train of thought then realize your frowning. I mean like you have an innocent happy smile then something happens and that smile is dragged down by pure disappointment.

That's what happens to me every time I realize Tyler destroyed his diaper. That also happens every time I have to change the diaper genie sausage.






He found a Stink Bug in the garage and made friends with it.



video



I let him play with it because if the bug sprayed him, it would probably be a scent improvement.

And recently he started trying to eat his boogers. So that's exciting.


4 comments:

  1. I hate to be a stickler, but technically, still no fart jokes...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's in the works. A thoughtful post about farts takes time.

      Delete
  2. He IS a pretty stinky kid. But lovable all the same. I don't mind changing him because I like you in my debt for when there is a dead mouse with a squished skull in the trap. Ill take Tyler pop over that any day!!!

    ReplyDelete
  3. He IS a pretty stinky kid. But lovable all the same. I don't mind changing him because I like you in my debt for when there is a dead mouse with a squished skull in the trap. Ill take Tyler pop over that any day!!!

    ReplyDelete

Speak with your heart or your private parts, either one is fine with me.

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