Wednesday, May 11, 2016

Sloth Arm


Cryin' Ryan is a clever little kid.
He is funny, kind, and creative.




He is also foul, gross, and disgusting.


He is so creative/disgusting that every time he poops, he feels inspired to vividly describe it to me.




When I hear, "MOOOOOOOMMMMMM!!!!! CAN YOU WIPE MY BUTT?!?!?!?!"
I know three bad things are coming my way:

1. the actual wiping of the butt
2. an accurate description of his dump
3. the throw-up that comes up the back of my throat.





What's most disturbing is that his descriptions are usually detailed and correct.

Some of the most cringe-worthy portrayals of his dumps include:

  • a battle axe
  • a long neck dino
  • beans
  • corn on the cob with some kernels eaten off
  • dead coral reef
  • butt-mud


And of course the most recent and unsettling depiction:


  • a sloth arm.





Let my say that again:

  • A sloth. arm. 






Probs one of the grossest things I've ever heard.
I don't know if I'm up for boy-momming anymore. 


Now I need to go brush my teeth.



4 comments:

  1. Man, that must have really hurt. Was their blood on the toilet paper when you wiped him?

    ReplyDelete
  2. LMAO!!! Oh to be a fly in your house!!! 😜

    ReplyDelete
  3. He shared his creativity and humor with me while you were enjoying Hawaii. Since I'm not feeling like sharing it with the world FOREVER in cyberspace, call me and I have a story for you. But on a positive note, dad and I are still laughing! ;)

    ReplyDelete

Speak with your heart or your private parts, either one is fine with me.

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