I was an angry teenager.
Just look at this picture of me when I was 15:
I was probably thinking about killing small animals and how dark I should dye my hair next.
Even my freckles were angry.
As an adult, I'm more mature. I'm classier.
Now I try to avoid confrontation by flipping people off when they aren't looking or writing trash about them in my diary.
My brother Jake is an A-hole. He never invites me over for dinner.
He makes me soooo mad!!!!
Well, I have to go now, my mom made dinner and is calling me!
I rarely have the urge to punch people in the crotch anymore.
Don't worry though. I still get plenty angry about some things. It's just that these days I'm a lot more chill. Mostly I get mildly upset.
Here are some things that I'm mildly upset about lately:
- People who do not respect your personal space.
I was waiting in line yesterday at Cafe Rio and some lady behind me stayed so close to me that she practically molested me. My butt was very offended by the constant touching and caressing.
If you are a close stander, you and I can never be friends.
- The current eyebrow trend.
I can't deal with this.
It's weird and it bugs me.
Why would you fade your eyebrows into your skin? I already have a huge space there and I don't need to accentuate it.
BTW, the reason I know I have a large gap between my brows is because years ago I was arguing with a dude and he got mad and pointed it out. Then I couldn't stop laughing and we became friends.
- Sparkle Jeans.
- My addiction to stupid Lipsense.
Why do I need a bunch of this brand? Because it's awesome and stays on all day. It makes me happy in ways I can't explain.
No one needs this much lipstick.
Except me, apparently.
I even sell this stuff. I need to settle down.
- That I bought a slip'n'slide for the chillun' and forgot to let them play on it and now summer is over and they are whining at me.
- People who sneeze extra loud on purpose.
I'm looking at you, Grandpa.
- When public places don't have baby changing tables available.
Well, it's really hard and really gross. And sometimes it gets on the floor.
And if any gets on the floor, I will not clean it up, because I am a horrible person, but also to teach that facility a lesson.
- Trump v. Clinton
These two are the nominees? This is what we have to choose between? Is this real life?
I need to go into the woods for a while and sort my feelings out.
Let's take a moment of silence for all the stuff that pisses us off a little bit.
I feel so much better.