I haven't blogged in a couple of months because I am a huge disgusting mess.
Let me just start off by saying how grateful I am that I get to have another baby. I know a lot of people who can't get pregnant or have to pay thousands of dollars for fertility treatments.
I know it's horribly dumb to be complaining about being pregnant.
But I just feel like the readers of this blog have an exceptionally good sense of humor and forgive me of my pettiness.
Despite my rants, I know I'm lucky and am super grateful for the relentless hell that is pregnancy.
Let's talk some pregnancy trash.
Usually it takes Jared and I a while to get pregnant, so I was surprised that after banging for a month, I was already knocked up.
I thought I had a solid 6 months - 1 year of non-pregnant bliss.
I don't understand the women who love being pregnant.
And I especially hate the girls who look extra glow-y and beautiful for those 9 months.
I am a nasty troll when I'm with child.
My whole body becomes a petri dish of disgusting-ness.
- I vomit like it's my job.
I carry around Ziploc bags so I can puke on the go.
- My adult acne gets offended by all the extra hormones and brings it's wrath upon my face.
- Pretty much every time I puke, I also pee my pants a little bit.
Some days when I throw up more than usual, I don't even change my pants inbetween pees. I just let it ride because I know I'll be peeing in them again in the next 30 min.
You are probably thinking how I am one of the grossest girls ever, and you would be right.
- I am nasty in public.
I also have to confess that my kids have watched more TV in the last couple of months than they have watched their entire lives, and I don't even care.
I've got more important things to worry about, like doing kegal exercises in a vain attempt to stop peeing my pants.
Oh yeah, I'm due May 3, 2017 it's a girl.
And I know she is going to be the worst thing ever and a total ho, because Karma.