Security Tags

I was at my local CVS the other day.
While stocking up on my weekly supply of suppositories and Tampax, I noticed something rather strange.
Security tags on all the condoms and lubricants.

Nothing else at the store had the sensors on it.
BUT, baby formula was behind a glass cabinet under lock and key.

This leads me to believe that the city of Camarillo, California has a serious problem.
Apparently, a disturbing number of citizens are stealing KY and Trojans.

Surprisingly, the condoms are breaking at a disturbing rate causing the rubber thieves to have babies. Babies need food. This leads to the stealing of baby formula.

I think the Mayor and City Council should definitely address this at their next meeting. 

Dirty Jenga

I went  to the military commissary with my awesome and funny friend Lisa a couple of months ago.

I bought Jenga.

Jared hates playing games so I had to be creative to get him to play with me.

Introducing: Dirty Jenga

Rules:

1. Make sexual bets based on who will win the game.

               Example A: If I win you have to give me a massage... with your privates.

               Example B: If I win you have to leave the lights on.

               Example C: If I win you have to shower before we do it. 

2. Trash talk your opponent with references to your dirty bet.

               Example A: Hey crybaby, I'll go get the massage oil ready.

               Example B: If I were you I would put on some more makeup and self tanner, the  

                                  lights are staying on tonight loser!!!

                Example C: Hey stinktits, Should I just get the shower started now?

3. Loser pays debt. (without crying.)

This makes for a great Family Home Evening activity.

Minivans

Pros

• Practical
• Spacious
• Seats 7
• Ample trunk space
• Towing capabilities
• Decent gas mileage
• Comfortable for travel
• Large enough to separate fighting kids
• Good for carpooling
• Adults fit in the back
• Easy to put kids in their car seats

Cons

• They look stupid
• I hate them

You know how everyone says men who drive huge trucks have small wieners? I suspect the minivan is the women's version of that same phenomenon. 

Girls who drive minivans must have really small vaginas. 

amen.