Merry Freaking Christmas

Look at how Utah-y my Christmas card is this year.

Las Vegas - November 2015

So this one time, Husband and I thought it would be cool to go on a little road trip to Vegas with our kids.

Then it sucked and we came home early.

Holy crap, kids ruin everything.

 I only look happy here because we had just decided to go home the next day.

We watched the water fountain show at the Bellagio. Jared was unimpressed.

The boys liked it... even though it was midnight.
But this trip wasn't about making them happy.

I don't care if it's a dumb idea to frollick down Las Vegas Blvd. in the middle of the night with kids.
And I didn't need all the dirty looks we got from everyone as I wheeled the kids past them in our jogging stroller.

I didn't even take that many pictures. Not because I wanted to be in the moment, but because I didn't want to remember this disaster. 

Not even the buffet at Treasure Island made this trip worth it. We were too early for the cotton candy to be made, which is the only reason I went.

The best part of the whole trip was while we were walking the strip at midnight, I saw 3 cool looking hipster Black kids, probs in their 20's. They were playing with a hoverboard. They let me try it and it was magical.


By the way, I got all crafty and had a bunch of stuff to entertain the kids on the 5 hour ride down. We stopped every hour or two and had tons of fun snacks.............. but it still sucked.


Traveling with kids is a bad idea.

Which is why two weeks later we took them to Hawaii. We are dumb.

Gross Things I Did In Hawaii

I openly admit to my daily disgusting-ness.
But every time I travel I am reminded of how foul I really am.

Last week's trip to Hawaii with my parents facilitated my nastiest behavior yet.

• I forgot the kid's toothbrush and kept forgetting to buy one, so the kids and I shared one the entire time. 

• Swam in the ocean and let the water make my hair crusty. I didn't want to use cheap hotel shampoo so I just left it crusty till I found my Sephora stash.

• I wore the same sweaty, filthy shorts for 4 days.

• Tyler puked on me in the plane so I wiped what I could off with a blanket, and marinated in his rotten-milk vomit for the remaining 6 hours of our flight. He also exploaded all over Ryan's face and shirt.

• Accidentally used the same washcloth on my face that I previously used to wipe down the tub.

• Ate sand covered starburst because it was $4 to buy more.

• Went to the beach, I was sweaty and sandy, didn't shower because I wanted to read a book instead, then went to dinner looking like a churro.

• Ate beef jerky that had been baking in the rental car for days.

• Listened to Air Supply and Kurt Bestor while driving with my Dad to the Volcano.

• Snorkeled with nasty Manta Rays in the ocean AT NIGHT. Those things are freaking creepy. They have tentacle arm things at the front of their slimy bodies. I'm scared of open water anyway and couldn't stop thinking about all the freaky animals that come out in the ocean at night. Luckily Jared and my Dad came to protect me. 

• Let my boys wear these matching outfits to a Luau:

• Fooled around with Husband in the bushes behind the time share sales building. 

• Ate a disturbing amount of the best ice cream I have ever tasted at Tropical Dreams. 

• Walked on the condo carpet with my bare feet. 

Gross.