Birthday Card

I made my dad a birthday card:

 Adorable right?!?!?

I hope he appreciated the time and skill level associated with a drawing of this caliber.

I know, I know..... I should go into the card making business.

Chickens and Goats

I planned a field trip for the third graders at the Boys and Girls Club.

My boss and I both drove huge vans full of giddy, pants-peeing kids to:

The Painted Pony Farm in Ojai.  

 

 Jared and Cryin' Ryan tagged along. 

 Everyone got to hold bunnies and chicks. 

 Ryan made out with a chicken then tried to tear it's beak off.

 

All the kids also got to milk a goat. My boss tried it after I reminded him about the bragging rights that come with being able to milk things. He had a disgusted look on his face the entire milking. 

I guess he's not that comfortable around goat nips.

Then Farmer Steve let the kids feed the goats. Ryan always gets excited around animals. He loves them. Like, seriously LOVES them. He tried to lick this goat: 

The best part about this field trip was this kid getting pooped on by a chicken:

Why yes, that IS a poop shaped like a wiener, thanks for asking. 

The other staff and I just stood there laughing. My boss was nice enough to help a kid out. 

Right after the poor kid was turded on, Pee-baby sneezed boogers all over his arm.

 Then we looked at a pig.

amen.

Sorry for Hitting You in the Face

I have written an infinite amount of apology letters throughout my lifetime.

• Sorry for mooning your dad
• Sorry for being a sloppy punk
• Sorry for burning dinner
• Sorry for answering the door in my bikini
• Sorry that I painted your little boy's fingernails
• Sorry that I only check my email once a week
• Sorry I snuck in your pool and swam naked
• Sorry that I didn't shower
• Sorry I showed an entire audience my camel toe
• Sorry that my baby pooped on you

...... you get the idea.

But the apology letter I had to write last Friday was unprecedented. 

At a church activity we were playing games. I got a little too competitive and nailed a 15 year old dude, right in the face. Hard.

My hand hurt afterwards. 

That's right folks, that homemade card says "Sorry I hit you in the face."

I felt so bad that I even made him cookies.

amen.