Thou Shalt Forgive

In the past couple of weeks Cryin' Ryan has seriously offended me.

Pee-baby's transgressions:

  • I was putting diaper cream on his bum and he farted, splattering the paste on my face and lips. Luckily my mouth was closed.
  • I was playing with him and kissing his lips and he spit up into my mouth. I never wanted to taste my own breastmilk, let alone regurgitated breastmilk.
  • He pooped all over himself right before a church activity. I was totally the white trash mom who brings their baby out in public with only a diaper on. My friend Gayle had to hold my naked baby while I dug around in my car for an emergency outfit.
  • He has made a habit of taking huge monster dumps at the most inconvenient times. He never has pooped out of his diaper at home. Instead he saves the explosions for church, the airport or restaurants.
  • He's a little crybaby.
  • He pissed me off by growing out of his 0-3 month size clothing. It's sad when I think he will never wear some of the cute little outfits ever again. How dare he grow.
  • A girl from my church named Melanie (who is also Pee-baby's surrogate aunt) came over and held him all day. He was a happy, perfect angel, that is, until she left and I had to take him back. He was a little crybaby the rest of the night. I suspect my baby likes her more than he likes me. He is only using me for my boobs.
  • And he poops too much.

But today I was holding the sinner while Jared was playing/talking trash to baby.
He was saying, WAHHHH! I'm cryin Ryan, all I do is cry, WAH, WAH, WAH!

Then baby smiled his giant smile and did his first little giggle.
And all was forgiven. amen.

1 comment:

  1. I know you are super busy but you need to post more often. Your blog post are the only ones that make me laugh out loud.


Speak with your heart or your private parts, either one is fine with me.