Meet Kenley

By the way, I had a baby..... over 8 months ago.
I figured I should blog about it before she goes through puberty so here it is. 

Kenley Rose Scott

April 23, 2017

6 lbs. 9 oz.

18 inches

cute as shit.

I loved her instantly. I was out of the hospital in 24 hours. It rained the first 3 days we were home. Like God was accommodating my wish to cuddle her in a cozy house with the fireplace warming us up.
Husband Jared and I cuddled the crap out of her. Literally. Newborns crap like 20 times a day. 

There is nothing better than a wrinkly, frog-legged newborn baby. Everything is so tiny and cute. And little babies smell soooooooooooooo good. I sniff Kenley like a frat boy sniffs drugs. I wish there was a perfume that smelled like newborns so I could spray it directly into my nostrils everyday.

When my 6 year old Cryin Ryan met her in the hospital for the first time he was stoked. And when he saw her open her eyes he was even more excited. My cold black heart melted.

 Look at how excited he is in that picture. So. Stinking. Cute.

Tyler liked her initially. But now that she is 9 months old he hates her with a passion. 


I took Baby Kenley to a rodeo when she was 3 months old and this cute teenager with Downs Syndrome loved her as much as I do.

She insisted on helping me feed the baby. 

Look how tiny she is on the 4th of July:

Having a baby girl is different than having a boy in many ways.
Changing Kenley's diaper is way harder than changing a boy's diaper. I'm pretty skilled when it comes to wiping poop of ball sacks, but not so good at navigating girl parts (which was surprising since I am a proud owner of my own girl parts).

Husband Jared is so cute with her too. He is gentle and sweet in a way that he wasn't with our boys.

He is so in love with her, that he doens't get that mad when I buy too many dresses for her.



 


Kenley sleeps through the night like a champ. Mostly because we read Babywise, but also because she is awesome.

Guess who else is awesome.
My mom. She is the best helper around. She babysat the human monkeys while I took naps, she helped keep my house clean, cooked for us, wiped everyone's butts, and even spent the night at my house when Husband had to go out of town. Thanks mom.

 Even when she cries it's hard to get mad at her since she looks like this:

 You can't get mad at a tiny crying elf.

I can't wait to post the newborn pics my friend Violet Luftkin took!

(Appropriate) Maternity Photos: Part I

I got professional maternity photos taken.
Like a real live Mom that is proactive and cares about fancy pictures.


Have you guys seen the incredible maternity pics that everyone takes nowadays? Like being pregnant is super special or something?!?!

I know a ton of slutty girls who get knocked up, so being with child is not that monumental.

Just kidding. Yay(!) for pregnancy and Yay(!) for little babies.

I am a nasty, nasty human when I'm knocked up. The last thing I wanted was photographic evidence of it.

BUT, I happen to be cool enough to have friends in high places, and the high place I'm talking about is Sew Trendy Accessories.
I know it's hard to believe I have real live friends but just go with me here.

Sew Trendy is an industry leader in  beautiful maternity dresses. Seriously. Look at the website.
Tyson and Valerie Best are the owners and also happen to be my friends. I've known Tyson since middle school and he is a clever little $hit, and also a dad/closeted gangster.
This is thier youngest/ridiculously cute child modeling one of their photo prop crowns.

Sew Trendy - Dominic Crown

I know. Most awesome baby pic ever.  


Valerie started the company in her basement. She didn't even know how to sew. But since she is obviously brilliant and a hard worker she now has a huge warehouse factory and 45+ people working for her.
I don't know how she gets everything done and balances all the amazing-ness. She is like a white Beyonce, if Beyonce made maternity gowns and photo accessories.

photo from here

They hooked me up with an incredible handmade dress (all their dresses are handmade). I can't even tell you how excited I was to dress up.


 I got the Leyah gown.
I chose to have it made in innocent and pure white fabric - even though it's clear by my baby bump and by the way that I do my makeup that I am not a virgin... or even virgin-ish for that matter.

This style is one of those infinity dresses that you can wear a ton of different ways.

Plus this dress is awesome because you can wear it when you aren't pregnant too and it still looks amazing.

 photo from here

I'm sure you have seen the maternity photo shoot pics with the amazing dresses - where the mom looks all angelic, classic, and perfectly pregnant.
Well that's the aesthetic I wanted when I called Ashley Bridgewater who is a good friend and an even good-er photographer.

I seriously have 4 or 5 friends, so for me to claim a friendship with someone is a pretty big step. I'm even thinking of introducing her to my parents. It's serious you guys.
Actually Ashley is my little sister's friend, but that's basically the same thing, right?

Check out her magical Instagram:

Ashley Bridgewater Photography

She also sells herself for money. But not like a prostitute, more like a photographer. If you live in Utah book her. She is awesome with kids and knows how to work with crappy amateur models (like me.) 

Ashley knows all the secret locations for photo shoots and took me to this one by the Great Salt Lake.

LOOK AT MY AMAZING DRESS.

Sew Trendy has a Facebook page, Twitter, and Pinterest account if you like to look at pretty things or want to creepily stalk them like I do.

!!!!!!!!!
So pretty, right!?!?
I got the flower crown from Sew Trendy too. 
I was super excited because, like I said, I feel nasty and gross when I'm pregs.

I was so happy with the pics that I convinced Ashley to take some more pics of me at some locations that I had scouted out......



PART II COMING SOON!
(Trigger warning: do not read part II if you've ever had bad experiences as a pregnant stripper.)



(Oh yeah... I am not obligated to give Sew Trendy positive reviews or even review them for that matter. I just am really stoked about the dress and that my friends are kicking butt at life.)

Stupid Things I've Cried About While Being Pregnant

This is actually hard for me to admit, but being pregnant with baby #3 has left me a sobbing mess.

I'm not a cryer.
I hate crying.

I have a sick sense of pride that tears rarely leave my body.

My first two pregnancy's had no effect on my emotions. I felt normal as far as emotions went.

A lot of people say that being pregs with girls is different than being pregs with boys.

As I looked back over the last 37 weeks, I realized what a crying little wuss I've been.
I don't know if it's because my baby has a vagina or if I'm turning into one.

The extra embarrassing part is what I cry about. It's the stupidest stuff ever. I would never shed tears over this stuff in real life.

Here is some of the stupid stuff I've been blubbering about:

• My hair.

I got my hair done a month ago. It was too blonde, so I cried 4 days in a row until I got it fixed. I even cried in front of Husband and it was super embarrassing.

Look how yellow/orange it was.
I sobbed about this on the phone to my mom. I know it's just hair. Embarrassing.

• Jared and I didn't have sex before he went out of town.

Because now he thinks I'm fat and ugly and he doesn't love me anymore. I just know it. And what if he dies and that was my last chance to bang him?

Don't worry though. I called him, he turned his car around, and came home for a quickie. 

• A video of a precious moment between a mom and baby. 

It made me cry but that didn't stop me from watching it 20 times.

• The baby's room was a mess.

 Yeah, I whimpered about this too. Then I just organized it and was fine. 

• I threw up in public.

I'm no stranger to throwing up in public, I do it all the time when I'm knocked up.
But now that I'm in the 3rd trimester it suddenly makes me cry.
I don't cry until I get home, but still.

• I scratched my car.

I don't even care about my car. I don't need the newest or coolest car.

There is a reason I drive an older inexpensive car, and that reason is because I like not stressing out about it. But you better believe I cried about scratching the car I don't care about. Why? Cause I'm pregnant.

• I peed my pants for the 8937089286th time.

It's frustrating and I'm sick of doing extra laundry. Plus, my 5 year old harasses and bullies me about it.

• A guy hit on me at the grocery store.

That is so freaking disgusting to me. A guy is really interested in hooking up with a girl who is pregnant with another man's baby? Ew, Gross. He was even wearing an Ed Hardy-esque shirt with rhinestones. What kind of world am I bringing a baby into?

• My brother, Jake, and his girlfriend, Jenny, threw me a little birthday party.

It was so cute and unexpected. It was so nice of them. They made my favorite french dip sandwiches and got me cupcakes.

They bought me flowers and a meat stick.

 AND a freaking Raptor skull because skulls make me happy.

It was so nice. Of course I cried.

• I can't see my pubes good enough to trim them.

What is my ob/gyn going to think? I want to be judged by the content of my character and not my pube situation.




This is just a small sampling of all the stupid stuff I've cried about. Hopefully I'm not the only pregnant girl that does this.
WWHHAAAHHH!

I'm Grosser Than Normal and It's Because I'm Knocked Up

I haven't blogged in a couple of months because I am a huge disgusting mess.

Disclaimer:
Let me just start off by saying how grateful I am that I get to have another baby. I know a lot of people who can't get pregnant or have to pay thousands of dollars for fertility treatments.

I know it's horribly dumb to be complaining about being pregnant.
But I just feel like the readers of this blog have an exceptionally good sense of humor and forgive me of my pettiness.
Despite my rants, I know I'm lucky and am super grateful for the relentless hell that is pregnancy.


K.
Let's talk some pregnancy trash.


Usually it takes Jared and I a while to get pregnant, so I was surprised that after banging for a month, I was already knocked up.

I thought I had a solid 6 months - 1 year of non-pregnant bliss.

I don't understand the women who love being pregnant.
And I especially hate the girls who look extra glow-y and beautiful for those 9 months.

I am a nasty troll when I'm with child.
My whole body becomes a petri dish of disgusting-ness.

• I vomit like it's my job. 

I lost 9 pounds in 2 weeks from throwing up so much. The first 3 months I lost 14 pounds. I looked like a dying sallow-skinned sea turtle.
I carry around Ziploc bags so I can puke on the go.

• My adult acne gets offended by all the extra hormones and brings it's wrath upon my face.

I have always broken out worse during pregnancy, but this time it's amazingly worse. I look like I have Syphilis and I am not amused. I already feel gross from throwing up all the time, I don't need extra zits right now.  

• Pretty much every time I puke, I also pee my pants a little bit.

It's so classy and I love doing the extra laundry.
Some days when I throw up more than usual, I don't even change my pants inbetween pees. I just let it ride because I know I'll be peeing in them again in the next 30 min.

You are probably thinking how I am one of the grossest girls ever, and you would be right. 

• I am nasty in public.

I was at the post office right before Christmas. There was a long line of about 25 people. I was halfway through the line, when I had to whip out my Ziploc bag and puke into it. I wasn't about to lose my place in line so I just vomited/peed in front of everyone, zipped up the throw up, and stayed in line like nothing happened.


I also have to confess that my kids have watched more TV in the last couple of months than they have watched their entire lives, and I don't even care.
I've got more important things to worry about, like doing kegal exercises in a vain attempt to stop peeing my pants.

Oh yeah, I'm due May 3, 2017 it's a girl.
And I know she is going to be the worst thing ever and a total ho, because Karma.

Maternity Dressing Tips

If I could dispense one piece of advice regarding dressing while you're knocked up, it would be this:

Suck it up and buy a couple pairs of good maternity jeans - especially if your planning on  having more than one kid. Its going to be expensive, but how your pregnant butt looks is worth investing in.

They are more comfortable, keep their shape better and last longer than cheap ones.

They are also awesome to wear for a few months/years after you have the baby and are getting back into shape.

Maxi dresses? Yes.

Wrap dresses? Yes.

I tried to buy shirts and dresses that can be worn whether you're knocked up or not. This shirt is going to be an amazing swimsuit cover up this summer.

Never underestimate the power of a plain T-shirt, jeans and cute cardigan. Who cares if you can't button it up?

The best accessory is a smile. Lucky for me, I have a trouble-making 2 year that makes me smile all the time.

Maternity Pics

I saw some AMAZING pictures of knocked up chicks on Pinterest. I never took any cool pictures the first time I was pregs, so I wanted to make sure I did for #2.

I had plans of drinking copious amounts of Castor Oil during week 38, so towards the end of week 37 I got to work.

I am too cheap to pay a photographer and I feel douchey posing for pictures. We have a good camera and I'm decent at PhotoShop so in between my morning sickness/pants-peeing I make Jared point and shoot.

I threw on some white clothes and just took the pics in my bedroom.

Sorry. I HAD to document my awesome pregnancy boobs for future generations. FYI, I was wearing shorts in this picture, I don't do crotch shots.

The photos are a little deceptive though.
The reality was closer to this:

Don't judge.

Birth Plan

While pregnant, I had read and heard a lot about birth plans.
Some girls get all crazy about these things and plan their labor and delivery down to the minute.
I never made one for my first kid.

I like to plan things and be in control but I'm reasonable enough to know that you can't plan that mess.

You especially can't plan it if you give birth in a hospital. The doctors are going to do what they think is best no matter how organized your birth plan is.... even if you typed it up in a cute font.

With #2, I made one anyway.

So, a few weeks ago when I went to the hospital in labor, I brought my birth plan.

I handed it to the L&D Nurse folded up. I could tell she was thinking," Ugh.... not another chic with an annoying birth plan...."

 

After getting me taken care of, she opened it up:

 

 

 

 

 

She was amused............... and I got an epidural.

 

 

 

 

 

L&D Nurse Gifts

I packed my hospital bags a few weeks before my March 14th due date, because in my mind, baby #2 was coming early whether he wanted to or not.

All the lists I looked at online suggested I bring gifts for the labor and delivery nurses.

This is a good great idea.

Nurses are the nicest people in the world ever (next to my mom).

When I had Cryin' Ryan, the Labor and Delivery Nurses were awesome and I was so grateful they were there to help.
Jared bought them multiple rounds of Starbucks over the 4 days we spent recovering.


Pre-packing a gift for them is genius.

 

 

 

As expected, the L&D nurses for baby #2 were freaking superheroes.

They were also surprised and stoked about the little presents.

 

It seemed like a fair trade..... deal with my nasty bodily fluids, unabashed nakedness, and crying...... then I will give you a travel size lotion and hand sanitizer.

 

Fair trade indeed.