I was at my local CVS the other day.
While stocking up on my weekly supply of suppositories and Tampax, I noticed something rather strange.
Security tags on all the condoms and lubricants.
Nothing else at the store had the sensors on it.
BUT, baby formula was behind a glass cabinet under lock and key.
This leads me to believe that the city of Camarillo, California has a serious problem.
Apparently, a disturbing number of citizens are stealing KY and Trojans.
Surprisingly, the condoms are breaking at a disturbing rate causing the rubber thieves to have babies. Babies need food. This leads to the stealing of baby formula.
I think the Mayor and City Council should definitely address this at their next meeting.
I went to the military commissary with my awesome and funny friend Lisa a couple of months ago.
I bought Jenga.
Jared hates playing games so I had to be creative to get him to play with me.
Introducing: Dirty Jenga
1. Make sexual bets based on who will win the game.
Example A: If I win you have to give me a massage... with your privates.
Example B: If I win you have to leave the lights on.
Example C: If I win you have to shower before we do it.
2. Trash talk your opponent with references to your dirty bet.
Example A: Hey crybaby, I'll go get the massage oil ready.
Example B: If I were you I would put on some more makeup and self tanner, the
lights are staying on tonight loser!!!
Example C: Hey stinktits, Should I just get the shower started now?
3. Loser pays debt. (without crying.)
- Seats 7
- Ample trunk space
- Towing capabilities
- Decent gas mileage
- Comfortable for travel
- Large enough to separate fighting kids
- Good for carpooling
- Adults fit in the back
- Easy to put kids in their car seats
- They look stupid
- I hate them
You know how everyone says men who drive huge trucks have small wieners? I suspect the minivan is the women's version of that same phenomenon.
Girls who drive minivans must have really small vaginas.