Pee Toddler Meets Butt Doll

Baby Ryan found a new friend today!

If you will kindly remember butt doll circa 2010.

Pee Baby, who I will now officially refer to as Pee Toddler, has been carrying around this morally questionable toy. 

I am not 100% sure it's legal to post these pictures on the internet, but just go with it....

Best Friends Forever!!!


Pregnancy Card

 One of my favorite people is FINALLY having a baby.
Christie is Mormon, lives in Utah, is married and 28 years old. She is lucky she got knocked up, I hear the Utah state prosecutor was building a strong case against her reproductive choices.

You can get in HUGE trouble for not having kids in Utah.

After rebelling against the status quo for years on end, it's nice to see her finally settling down and ruining her life like the rest of us.

 Since Christie is awesome, funny and witty I had to make an equally charming card for her:

Congrats Christie!!!
P.S. the card should be coming in the mail if you haven't already received it.


Post-Pregnancy Stretch Mark


I somehow managed to make a baby for nine months and not get a single stretch mark. (Except the ones on my upper thighs... they are tiny so they don't count, right?)

But then,

I was rolling up my hot curling iron when my sweet little baby rushed in and tackled my legs. I ended up burning my wrist and stomach.
Burns are the worst.
I walked around the elementary school the first week of my job with a huge band-aid on my inner wrist. More than one person said I looked like a crack addict. It didn't help that my wounds were bloody and green with pus. Fortunately the kids loved looking at it.

When the burns finally healed I was left with fugly scars.  

The one on my stomach doesn't look too bad when I coat it in self tanner, but for your enjoyment I Photoshopped the bottom picture so you can see it better.

 It totally looks like a stretch mark.


It's just what I've always wanted.