READ PART I HERE!
I'm still obsessed with how pretty my maternity dress was.
I just can't seem to feel attractive when I'm throwing up, peeing my pants, and chronically constipated.
BUT, my photographer, Ashley, captured incredible pics that made me feel more beautiful than I ever have felt during a pregnancy.
(BTW, her instagram is magical: ashbridgewater.jpg)
I didn't want to take the dress off.
(The dress was made by Sew Trendy which is also magical. Don't be mad my high school friend owns the company.)
So I came up with a few more ideas to complete the photo shoot.
Ashley is a consummate professional but agreed to document my bad decisions.
I really don't know what to say about the following pictures.
We went to a famed Utah strip club off State Street.
I took a couple pics outside, because I didn't think the club managers would actually let me in to take pictures.
It's amazing how good the photographs are considering Ashley and I couldn't stop laughing.
We walked inside and asked the super nice and super hot receptionist if I could embarrass myself.
She got the manager for us.
He was laughing super hard about my idea and said I could even get on a stage if I wanted.
It's always been a childhood dream of mine to be a pregnant stripper in a fancy dress.
I guess Tuesdays are slow for strip clubs because there weren't that many guys there.
Which was totally fine since I already paid my bills that month.
Before I went in, I was a little worried the girls who worked there would be a little mad about me for basically making fun of their jobs.
Instead, the girls were totally laughing at the idea and helped us as much as they could.
They aren't dumb. They treat stripping as a means to an end and have no problem poking a little fun at it.
They gave me posing tips (even though I still look awkward af) and the burly 40-somthing-year-old bouncer fixed my gown so it would be especially beautiful.
I try not to judge people but I really didn't expect all the girls and staff to be so funny, nice, and helpful.
Thanks pretty Salt Lake City strippers.
Next stop was one of my most favorite places in the world.
Taco Bell was pretty much the only thing I ate this whole pregnancy. Baby #3 is practically made out of chicken chalupas and nachos with extra cheese, so I wanted to honor that.
By the way, not only is Ashley Bridgewater a good photographer, but is also an excellent burrito eater. She was probably pretty popular in high school.
Something like, girl is pregnant, girl gets fancy dress, girl go to strip club, girl is hungry, girl eats chalupas, girl pees behind dumpster.
Do you know how hard it is to keep a straight face when you are laughing at how clever you are?
So really. Thanks for reading.
P.S. If you are offended by anything here, please email me at firstname.lastname@example.org so I can show my friends and save it in my "funny stuff" folder.
Also I got a few other suggestions for the photo shoot, one having to do with a hanger and shop vac, so really, this could of been a lot worse. (You know who you are person that thought of that 💗.)