9.20.2013

Ryan Drops the F-Bomb



Ryan saying the word "frog" sounds suspiciously like the F-word.



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Don't mind the disaster in the background of this next video. Jared thought it would be a great idea to remodel our kitchen. He is making all the cabinets himself and decided to store them in my living room!
You know how much I love clutter!!!!

We were watching a documentary on frogs:



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It doesn't help that I laugh every time he says it. I am such an enabler.


Ryan was in timeout yesterday and to get out, he yelled out the frog/EFF word. He knew I would laugh and let him out....... and I did.



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I really need to work on my priorities.


P.S. I promise Cryin Ryan does not always run around in his diaper. I totally get him dressed for church on Sundays.



9.17.2013

Types of Pregnant Girls: Part III of III

Read Part I and Part II.


The Nasty Sick Girl


Pregnancy is not kind to her.
She Throws up multiple times a day.
Most likely has converted one of her bathrooms into a puking sanctuary.
Lost weight during the first trimester.
Wears pajamas 90% of the time.
When the phone rings she lazily looks over at it, ignores it, then goes back to throwing up everywhere/peeing her pants.
Doesn't care if vomit is crusted in her hair, it's not like she styles it anyway.
Gives her husband permission to have an affair because she realizes she is that nasty.
Becomes a social recluse, almost everyone she knows thinks she is dead.
Her other kid is so sweet and nice but has a creepy evil laugh.
Craves Taco Bell and sedatives.




The Seasoned Pro

She is unimpressed when people have ONLY four kids.
Gives birth without breaking a sweat.
Can breastfeed while blindfolded with both arms tied behind her back.
Her advice is actually helpful and welcomed.
Makes pregnancy and motherhood look easy.
Most likely has a Mom haircut.
If you sass her, she will smack that smile right off your face.
Drives a mini-van.
Craves caffeine and collage tuition for all her kids.






The Cool Pregnant Girl

Dresses stylishly throughout pregnancy, even during month 9.
Does her hair everyday.
Her other kids are ridiculously cute and funny.
Cooks amazing food to satisfy cravings instead of relying on Taco Bell.
Showers occasionally.
Drops nice presents off at you house when it is a messy disaster zone. Then you have to have to threaten her that if she tells anyone, you will kill her.
Craves comfort food and a Target shopping spree that her husband won't find out about.



9.13.2013

Adam and Lisa


I have been promising my friend Lisa that I would draw a picture of her dog, Murphy, for over a year.




So finally, here it is:




Adam really holds the dog like that....
Lisa has huge amazing boobs that I am jealous of. She always hides them though. It took all my willpower to draw them non-pornographically.

They will be new parents in February 2014. Hell yeah.




9.11.2013

Types of Pregnant Girls: Part II of III

Read Part I here.

The Glowing Pregnant Girl


The more pregnant she gets, the prettier she looks.
Instead of people helping her, she does service for other people.
Glows even though she's not wearing bronzer.
Her house is spotless.
She gets dressed everyday.
Has a very nice pinterest board collection.
Pregnancy is bliss for her.
I secretly hate her.
She probably made her own custom crib bedding.
Se still makes her family dinner every night.
Craves healthy sensible food and world peace.



The Smug Amateur




Thinks she is righteous and inspirational just for having a kid.
Acts like she is the first person in the world to ever be pregnant and is better than you because of it.
Her baby's kicks are WAY stronger than your baby's kicks.
Lower than average I.Q.
Thinks that because she read a couple books on pregnancy, that she is a seasoned pro.
She loves to give unsolicited advice and recommendations.
Mistakenly believes she is a glowing.
Start fights with everyone because she is classy.
Imagines other people find her adorable, hehehehehe!
She probably blogs things like: "My friend, Abbie, really wants a baby... I tend to do that to people!" - As if her friend never wanted kids until she met the inspirational Smug Amateur.
Craves root beer and validation.



The Extremely Excited Preparer

Buys a stroller and car seat the week of the positive pregnancy test.
Has been a nanny and worked with kids for years.
Knows more about babies than most moms do.
Sucks for moving to South Dakota.
Probably has her hospital bag packed by month 3.
Is organized beyond belief.
Is so ridiculously excited for the baby, she can barely sleep at night.
Baby's nursery is ready by month 5.
Craves McDonald's and large bags of Sour Patch Kids.




Read Part III here.






9.09.2013

Types of Pregnant Girls: Part I of III



Being pregnant makes you notice other pregnant people.
The following posts represent of few of the pregnant chicks I have observed.

 It is likely that each of us embody a few characteristics from each pregnant girl stereotype. 
I reluctantly admit that I do.

enjoy!


Disclaimer: Any likeness to real persons is most likely intentional.



 The Organic Pregnant Girl




Teaches pre-natal yoga.
Card carrying member of the La Leche League.
Finds wearing a bra oppressive.
Fan of attachment parenting.
Plans on delivering her baby by herself, naked, in the woods, on the eve of the summer solstice.
Owns 6 Moby Wraps in different ethnic prints.
Will breastfeed until child enters middle school.
Craves kale and the sun on her face.






The Slut


Sees no reason why she should stop dressing sexy just because she's knocked up.
Her fake boobs are even bigger which is a great reason to take a bunch of cleavage baring selfies.
Takes pictures of all her material possessions ($400 diaper bag bought on credit, newly leased car, etc.) and posts on Facebook.
Brags about how she still wears stilettoes.
Still goes tanning.
Threatens to put baby up for adoption if it's ugly.
Is planning a trip to Vegas to celebrate the birth of her baby.
Craves salty foods and attention.




The Quitter

 

Pregnancy/Life is too much for her so she quits everything.
Has not gotten ready for months.
Shamelessly lives in pajamas.
Leaves her house only once during the entire pregnancy.... and that is only to deliver her baby.
Her house is a wreck.
Her other kids become feral.
Loves daytime TV.
Craves Doritos and sympathy.




Read Part II and Part III.




9.06.2013

Ryan's First Car Wash

I usually am a big fan of washing my car myself.








But lately, I'm too disgusting to do it myself.
I went to Costco to buy potstickers, watermelon, and butter, and decided to take a ride through their fancy carwash.
It was Cryan's first time.

He was a little concerned as we entered:

 
A little more worried as the water started spraying:




And completely terrified as the brushes started up:



I tried really hard not to laugh.
Poor little fella.

9.05.2013

13 Weeks

Want to see something sad?

Check out my 11 week picture from my first full pregnancy in 2011:




I was so..... so........ so dressed. It looks like I even took a shower! My hair is done, my clothes are clean and I'm wearing a bra. Wait a minute...... am I smiling???

I had morning sickness with Ryan but it was manageable. It didn't last all day and I could keep enough food down so that I had some energy.

Here comes the sad part, check out this picture I took yesterday:






I'm 13 weeks along. I'm a mess.

I wore these pajamas for two days/nights. My dirty hair is in unintentional dreadlocks. At least I am wearing a bra.
I can't remember the last time I showered.

Technically, I should be getting over my morning sickness any day now. But since I threw up in the freezer section of my local grocery store 3 days ago, I'm guessing I won't be over it any time soon. Did I mention that pretty much everytime I throw up, I pee my pants a little?

Luckily I carry around a Ziploc bag to puke in, so it's not like I threw up all over the floor.
That would have been embarrassing.....

9.03.2013

10 Things: Some of My Life Rules


1. Always read books.

2. If you are going to waste calories on junk food, you should do it in the most delicious way possible.
Store bought cinnamon rolls??? NO. Homemade? YES.




3. Be kind to children.

4. Get ready everyday.
Even if it's just jeans, a t-shirt, mascara, and lip gloss. It makes you feel better and you will be more productive.



5. Look for the funny stuff.
You throw up in your Ziploc bag at Albertsons? Funny. Your baby takes a dump on you? Funny. Your brother gets arrested? Funny. No one likes you? You guessed it, Funny.

6. Pray.

7. Take a lot of pictures.





8. But don't ever take naked pictures or videos.

9. Use the best smelling laundry detergent available.
Folding laundry sucks less when it smells amazing.

10. Write Thank You cards.





End.