I played soccer a lot of my young life, so it's only natural for me to re-live my youth through my offspring.
I signed Ryan up for his first season of co-ed soccer.
Last Saturday, the Herriman Rec Center had this huge soccer team organization day. You met there at a certain time for your age group, met your coach, had a mini-practice, and got your team jersey. We got there about 10 minutes late.
There was 20 different teams practicing all over the field.
On the very end of the field was this team with bubblegum pink uniforms.
I started talking mad trash to Ryan. Because there were 20 other teams I assumed there was a low probability that he was assigned to the pink team.
I told him he was going to be on the pink team and turn into a girl.
I offered to do his makeup and hair before all his soccer games.
I said it was cool if he wanted to start sitting down to pee.
I told him he was going to grow boobs.
Then, of course, we found out he was indeed on the Pink team.
Ryan was pissed off.
Even though the other boys on his team were already wearing their jerseys, Ryan refused to put it on.
After all my trash talking, there was nothing anyone could say to make him OK with his team.
Even the other boys on the team couldn't convince him that pink was cool.
I had to admit to the other parents that I mercilessly teased him on the way there.
Luckily, I had signed Ryan up for the wrong age division, so a short email, and a quick response later, Ryan was on a different team.
We pick up his uniform today and I'm really hoping it's not pink.
And I learned my lesson. I will never tease my kids about soccer uniform colors again.