9.23.2009

Crying Makes Me Angry

I have never been much of a crier.
In fact I loathe crying.

When other people cry it makes me uncomfortable and instead of consoling them I slowly back myself out of the room.

I am sure this stems back to my evil older brother Jacob and the many lies he told me as a child. One of the most influential being: that if I cried too much my eyes would dry out and look like raisins. This made perfect sense to me.

I remember saving a Bubble Tape container, the older ones from the 1990's with the lid, and hiding it under my bed. For a significant period of time after that, every time I felt like I was going to cry I would run in my room and catch the tears in the gum container. I figured that If I save them, when my eyes started to resemble raisins, I could simply pour the used tears back into my eyes. Before long I was able to stop myself from crying altogether.

Messed up. I know.


Still to this day I don't really cry. (And if I do I don't readily admit it.) When I get angry I run or punch stuff. If I get sad, I am angry that I'm sad. Scared? Angry that I'm scared. Stressed? I'll be angry in no time. Its seems to be that my coping mechanism is to turn every negative emotion into anger, and then to me running, punching things or cleaning my house really well. (At least my anger is
sometimes productive.)


Yep. That pretty much sums me up.

Artist: Rachel my sister (who is actually an amazing cartoonist, I should get her to draw some more messed up stuff for me.)


Hmmmm. If I wasn't so cheap I could get a therapist to explore my anger issues... actually, maybe not such a good idea.

Every so often something moves me enough to let a few tears fall. I was reading my friend, BreeAnn's blog who references this blog. It made me cry. Then I punched some stuff. Then I was inspired to grateful for everything I have.

A tearful Amen.

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Speak with your heart or your private parts, either one is fine with me.