1.15.2016

Meet Wolfy


Ryan is in a disturbing stage of life right now.

He is obsessed with Wolves.




When I ask him why, he tells me - "Wolves are legendary predators and they are carnivores. They hunt in packs and are nocturnal."
Then I have to get out a dictionary to find out what that means.




He gets mad when I refer to him as "Ryan" - and yells, "Mooommmm! I'm called Wolfy!!!!!!!!!"

He asks for meat every meal.
It's creepy.

He leaps around on all fours, even in public.... wait... especially in public.


video

I had to have a serious talk with him about that. I don't need any more reasons for child services to be called on me.

Wolfy constantly reminds me that we are a wolf family and we only do wolf things.

  • We should howl at the moon. Or the sun. Or actually, just howl at everything
  • No using your hands to eat since we don't have hands, we only have paws.
  • It's totally fine to growl/hiss at things that piss you off.
  • Wolf pups stay up late since wolf families don't pay heed to human rules.
  • It's also completely OK to claw someone/anyone.
  • Who cares if you're in public, you better act like the legendary wolf you are.
  • We have to be alert in case any hunters come around. If you get scared you hide in a cardboard box or behind the couch.
  • We have to lift up one leg for a truly authentic pee session.





Good thing wolf pups are cute.

I fully expect him to come home after his first semester of college with a majestic wolf tattoo and no friends.






So that's where I'm at in my life right now.  



1 comment:

  1. Did he tell you wolfs also have six pack abs and fight vampires? #teamjacob

    ReplyDelete

Speak with your heart or your private parts, either one is fine with me.