Cryin' Ryan is a clever little kid.
He is funny, kind, and creative.
He is also foul, gross, and disgusting.
He is so creative/disgusting that every time he poops, he feels inspired to vividly describe it to me.
When I hear, "MOOOOOOOMMMMMM!!!!! CAN YOU WIPE MY BUTT?!?!?!?!"
I know three bad things are coming my way:
1. the actual wiping of the butt
2. an accurate description of his dump
3. the throw-up that comes up the back of my throat.
What's most disturbing is that his descriptions are usually detailed and correct.
Some of the most cringe-worthy portrayals of his dumps include:
- a battle axe
- a long neck dino
- beans
- corn on the cob with some kernels eaten off
- dead coral reef
- butt-mud
And of course the most recent and unsettling depiction:
- a sloth arm.
Let my say that again:
- A sloth. arm.
Probs one of the grossest things I've ever heard.
I don't know if I'm up for boy-momming anymore.
Now I need to go brush my teeth.
