4th of July Penis Show

You know how a few post ago I talked some mad trash about people who apologize for not blogging regularly?
Well, let's pretend that didn't happen.

I'm sorry.
I'm sorry for my overgrown ombre highlights.
I'm sorry for my knee-short tan lines.
I'm sorry for laughing when my kids swear and,
I'm sorry for being a non-consistent blogger.

Mostly I haven't blog in a few weeks because lazy.
I'm so lazy I can't even correct the "blog" in my last sentence to "blogged."
But also because so many life-changing things have occurred in my vicinity. All of which I will blog about for my children to re-visit in the future.

Look how patriotic I made my fireplace area:

Unfortunately, That's as fancy as it gets here at the Scott residence.

My absolutely inappropriate bother (typo stays), Matthew, celebrated our nations Independence by showing his dick.

Happy Birthday America.

We had a big family farty (this typo also stays) up at my parents house.
The food was amazing, weather was perfect, and we were all bonding so hard.

My little sis, Fegan, who I will now refer to as Megan since we get along now, just had a baby.
She is an ardent breast-feeding rights activist and so is the new baby.

About 16 adults were there and most of the family were seated in the huge living room.

My dad, brothers, and grandpa were just trying to live their lives.

That's when Megan flopped out her huge boob in front of everyone and fed the baby.

While I don't really have a problem with public breastfeeding, I do find it really awkward and weird to do it around men in the family. Actually men in general.

My brothers felt the same uncomfortable-ness that I would be feeling in their shoes.

Megan has busted her tits out a bunch of times. That's why when I arrived and wanted to see the baby I first yelled into everyone, "I want to see the baby... wait, Megan, are your tits out?.... k, never mind."

My brother Matthew is the type of guy who recently told me he loves having diarrhea and also farted in another man's mouth.

Annoyed by Megan's blatant bare boobs, Matthew whipped his dick out for everyone to see.

I'm gonna go ahead and say that again:

Matthew whipped his dick out for everyone to see.

He thought that if she's showing her private parts to everyone, he might as well too.

I was gratefully not there to witness the x-rated show, but I almost peed my pants laughing when I heard it. 

Later, when I was cleaning up I noticed my mom got some fancy new hand soap and lotion.
The brand was incredibly appropriate for the penis-showing incident:


Then we roasted marshmallows and watched fireworks, so it was a pretty good day.


I semi-apologize for my offensive use of the word, "dick." But given the gravity of the situation, I felt like "dick" was the only variation of the penis that would suffice.


  1. I didn't realize what blog came up on my feed at first, but then my eye caught the word penis in the title and I said to myself "oh good Emily must have a new blog post!" I swear I am not making this up.

  2. There aren't enough pictures of you in your blog posts. How am I supposed to not assume you've gotten fat if you don't prove it on social media?
    PS. Using Captain America in your 4th of July decor is genius.

  3. My mouth always hangs open a good 5 minutes after I read one of your posts. Keep it up girlfriend!


  4. Haha, in my defense, whenever other people were around, my boob was 95% covered by either my shirt or my son's head. It was only when I was alone in the room that I had my boob actually showing. And of course Matt walked in and pulled his penis out. :)


Speak with your heart or your private parts, either one is fine with me.