Friday, November 6, 2015

Dumb Ryan


Kids are so dumb.

And it terrifies me.

I try not to be an over-controlling, over-protective, helicopter parent, but I am starting to rethink my strategy.

I feel boys in particular are especially dumb. Ryan and Tyler are fearless and not aware of their surroundings.


We were playing on the swing set at my parents house. It is in the worst place imaginable.
My friend Christie prophesied that one day a kid is going to die there.





I don't know whose idea it was to put it there. The slide is literally 2 feet away from a cliff. It's a solid 8 foot drop onto hard ground and rocks. I watch them like a hawk when I let them use it, which is rarely.





I watch Ryan like a hawk when I let him play on it and stand in front of the slide the entire time. Yesterday, we were about to leave and started walking to the car and Ryan decided it would be a  great idea to race back to the swing set and rush down the slide before I got mad.

Well, he almost flew head first over the cliff. I had to sprint and grab the hood of his jacket.

I freaked the eff out. I think my heart stopped beating for a few seconds.
Dumb Ryan.

I banned him from the swing set and taped the area off like a crime scene.





Ryan has also almost drowned a number of times. Luckily I'm there or Sis-in-law Stephanie is there to rescue him.

A couple of weeks ago we were at City Creek Mall in downtown Salt Lake City. We were feeding the fish when the security guards weren't looking.




Dumb Ryan leaned over too far and before I knew it, he fell on a pile of hungry fish and was thrashing around in the water. The water is only a few feet deep but kids don't think to stand up, they just panic. His head was under water and he wasn't coming up.


I hurried and put Tyler down then jumped in and grabbed Ryan.
Ryan was freaking out.






That water is so foul. I was pissed I had to get in and save him.



I was even more mad because we have driven 45 minutes to get there and I still needed some unnecessary things from Sephora.

Luckily I am awesome and keep extra clothes for the kids in my trunk. Ryan had wet hair and was sniffling as I bought conditioner and makeup. The sales girls felt so bad for him they gave him a bunch of free samples.
When we got in the car I promptly took them.

I don't know how most kids survive to adulthood.





4 comments:

  1. Sadly they get older and smarter and make you feel dumb.

    Jane x

    ReplyDelete
  2. The Slide of Death. Maybe your parents just feel like they have too many grandkids.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Just wait until they start driving. My oldest is 16, but we haven't got his permit yet,let along his license, because I am terrified of him behind the wheel! Kids are dumb!

    ReplyDelete
  4. For everyone's information GRANDMA FREAKED OUT when I saw where J
    ake and Matt and Grandpa had chosen as the spot for the play area!
    Hopefully soon, that slide will come to the other side of the house away from the cliffs! Jared has already dug up the mountain with our tractor, but we have yet to find railroad ties so we can have a level spot.

    Good catch Emily! .... and just a sidenote..... just where exactly did you find police tape???

    ReplyDelete

Speak with your heart or your private parts, either one is fine with me.

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