Bachelorette Party: Part II

Part I  here.

After horrifying Sara and Kama with the What's in Yo' Mouth game, we played a couple nicer games.

Then it was time to open presents!

Sara's friends are way too nice to her and got her some awesome sex outfits.

Who would have guessed that newly returned LDS missionaries would be so adept at picking out lingerie?  NOT ME.

That's why my aggressive cucumber-wielding sister Rachel and I gave her a bunch of super cute undies from Victoria's Secret and an extra special surprise.

Look at how nervous but pleasantly surprised she was opening it.

 She was not grateful that I wrapped up Jared's Lobster Pants along with them. Which I thought was really rude because those lobster underpants are awesome.

Don't worry, I didn't let her keep my family heirloom. I just wanted to gross her out since she gave me used lingerie from Salvation Army when I got married.

Sara paid her friends back by trying all the lingerie on and prancing around in front of everyone like a happy elf.

I felt it was good exchange for both parties.
Plus, I always wanted to know what color my sister's pubes were, and now I know.

Part of me REALLLLLLY wanted to hire a stripper, but a bigger part of me didn't want to clean my carpets again.
And I wasn't about to spend money on a stripper when I happen to be married to a perfectly good specimen of a man.

While I knew it would be awful for Sara to have a stripper, I knew it would be even worse if it was her brother-in-law. Which is why that's exactly what I did.

I brought up the idea with Husband who immediately jumped (or pelvic thrusted) on board.
He said he did this kind of stuff all the time in college and I nodded my head in deep understanding.

He may or may not have had a cop uniform already altered into a stripper's outfit that he surprised me with on our anniversary.....

I told Sara we were going to play a special game and made her sit in the middle. The doorbell rang and this happened:


Sara acted like she hated it, but I know she loved it. 
I am the best sister ever.

And we have the best neighbors ever for watching the kids, even after Jared explained what it was for.

Oh yeah, Sara's BFF Assley, made amazing chili and Megan/Feg brought awesome rolls. It was way better than the candy I bought for dessert. 

Also, yes, you read that right. My sister Megan/Feg was at my house and we had fun and got along. I may even start referring to her as just "Megan" now.

Sorry Sara.
And I'm even more sorry for what we are going to do at your wedding. 


  1. I have never been so grateful for the "click here for full screen viewing" button in my life. Thank you Jared.

    PS, your little sister looks so much like you it's creepy. No wonder why Jared wanted to strip for her.

  2. Emily, once upon a time many years ago I lived in your ward, I doubt you remember me but that ok, I'm easy to forget! :) I have been blog stalking you for quite some time and felt the need to finally write a comment.. Can we please be best friends!?! Now that you are back in Utah we can frolick through fields and eat ice cream cones, who am I kidding we could talk about anything gross and disgusting and let our little boys play!! Anyways thanks for being so freaking entertaining!! Keep writing so I can keep stalking!

    1. I am kind of pissed off that I checked your blog and you haven't updated for over a year. How am I supposed to re-stalk you?
      I only have like 2 friends, so I'm always open to interviewing for more. And funnily enough, the application to be my friend includes a question about talking about gross and disgusting things.... and frolicking through fields....

    2. I know I haven't updated my blog and while I have thought of it plenty of times I don't know what I'd write I am not nearly as entertaining or awesome as you.. I am usually covered in bodily fluids from a child, or wondering when the last time I pooped was (I am beyond jealous of people with regular bowels), or watching the same stupid episode of the worlds most annoying kids show, why can't they ever like the cool ones?! But I will promise to update soon if that means I get to be moved to the top of the list for interviews- or wait maybe the end of the list, which one leaves a longer lasting impression?- Ps I feel like I need to go brag to everyone that you actually wrote me back, I feel like I might have a celebrity crush now!

  3. Now I'm even MORE EXCITED for the wedding! You are not, however, allowed to decorate the car. :/


Speak with your heart or your private parts, either one is fine with me.