Last Saturday I wove a tapestry of classiness that blanketed almost all of Utah.
My little sis Sara is getting married so I knew I had to throw her a Super Classy Bachelorette Party.
It's not often I crawl/creep out of my cave and actively socialize, so Sara felt my really awkward love for her.
Sara and all her friends are recently returned Mormon missionaries and I wanted to keep the party slightly appropriate.
I'm wayyyyy too classy to be putting penis memorabilia everywhere like usual bachelorette parties.
Instead I made my own party decorations with the word "Sex" placed randomly throughout my house.
Even the prizes for winning my messed up games were beautifully crafted with just the word "Sex", as demonstrated here by Sis-in-law Erika.
The decorations actually turned out really cute, but I'm too dumb to take more pictures. The food table looked awesome too but out of hate/principle I wasn't about to take a pinterest/instagram-esque picture of it.
All the party games I found online were either really lame or extra nasty.
I was forced to think of some on my own.
My favorite game was called:
What's In Yo' Mouth?
The Bride-to-be is blindfolded and then tries to guess what you put in her mouth. Every item is edible and reminiscent of male body parts.
Sara's friend Kama is also getting married soon so I made her play too. Mostly because I didn't think Sara would actually play by herself.
Kama is a super-cute, super-returned missionary and super-good at getting things in her mouth. She was totally down to play.
Sis-in-Law Stephanie helped me prepare while we were laughing so hard I
We didn't anticipate how dirty we would feel shoving penis shaped things into other girls mouth's. For real though. I repented at church the next day and scheduled a confession.
The first item was a peeled cucumber.
Sara was nervous and didn't trust us, and Stephanie was too timid about forcing it in.
Luckily my aggressive sister Rachel grabbed the cucumber, hit Sara in the face with it and jammed it in her mouth.
I felt like I had just witnessed a classic example of date rape.
Since I know a bunch of people are going to steal this awesome game for their next party, we also used:
- Limp carrots
- Room temperature, uncooked Hot Dogs
- Peanuts (hahaha! get it?)
- Long, hard lollipops
- Raw potatoes
- Vienna sausages
- Whole mushrooms (courtesy of my gross brother Matthew)
- Peeled Banana
The best part was the final item.... white goopy cookie icing.
Neither girl appreciated my idea.
Half the time I had to hold my crotch and sit on the ground so I wouldn't wet myself.
I did not expect to party to be that funny or I would have worn my Depends underpants or a super-long maxi pad.
Part two soon! And by that I mean as soon as I stop being too lazy to type words.
