Thanksgiving.
2006.
The movie theaters in South Salt Lake City.
My unruly but favorite brother Jake and the guy sitting in front of him.
Family tradition dictates that every Thanksgiving we go to see a movie along with thousand of other Mormon families in Salt Lake Valley. Wherever my brother Jake goes, shenanigans soon follow. After situating all 10 of us in the same row, Jake and his poor wife end up with an isle seat. The theaters will soon become packed but this does not hamper Jake's love of putting his feet on the seat in front of him.
(The following account is relayed from Jake and therefore may or may not be entirely true)
Apparently a couple tried to sit in the seats that Jake was resting his nasty feet upon. The guy takes the seat and lies his head on Jake's Flintstone feet. (Utah is full of crazy people like this.) Jake reluctantly moves he feet but not before the guy had chewed up some popcorn and turned around to shower Jake and his wife with it. Being the classy guy I know Jake is, he hacked up the biggest wad of boogers and spit, then pasted the guys face with it.
The guy, of course, got super-duper-Hulk mad and attacked Jake. They begun to fight as the full theatre filled with grandmas and kids looked on.
This part is true, I saw it with my own eyes:
Within .00235 seconds my 40-something year old Mom had somehow flown down the entire row of seats and had the popcorn-spitting guy by the throat. I swear he was on his tip toes as my Mom's grip tightened. WHAT!?!?!? It was probably one of the coolest/funniest/raddest things I have ever witnessed.
My Dad had to pry her off him. This phenomenon is not uncommon. We have all heard of the women who lift cars to save their children, right? Chalk it up to old woman/mama bear strength. I am sure I will cut the fingernails off of anyone who messes with my kids.
Jared and I were newly married at this point, and as he rethought his decisions, I looked upon my pseudo-crazy family and smiled with small amount of embarrassment and a large amount of pride.
