Meet Kenley

By the way, I had a baby..... over 8 months ago.
I figured I should blog about it before she goes through puberty so here it is. 

Kenley Rose Scott

April 23, 2017

6 lbs. 9 oz.

18 inches

cute as shit.

I loved her instantly. I was out of the hospital in 24 hours. It rained the first 3 days we were home. Like God was accommodating my wish to cuddle her in a cozy house with the fireplace warming us up.
Husband Jared and I cuddled the crap out of her. Literally. Newborns crap like 20 times a day. 

There is nothing better than a wrinkly, frog-legged newborn baby. Everything is so tiny and cute. And little babies smell soooooooooooooo good. I sniff Kenley like a frat boy sniffs drugs. I wish there was a perfume that smelled like newborns so I could spray it directly into my nostrils everyday.

When my 6 year old Cryin Ryan met her in the hospital for the first time he was stoked. And when he saw her open her eyes he was even more excited. My cold black heart melted.

 Look at how excited he is in that picture. So. Stinking. Cute.

Tyler liked her initially. But now that she is 9 months old he hates her with a passion. 


I took Baby Kenley to a rodeo when she was 3 months old and this cute teenager with Downs Syndrome loved her as much as I do.

She insisted on helping me feed the baby. 

Look how tiny she is on the 4th of July:

Having a baby girl is different than having a boy in many ways.
Changing Kenley's diaper is way harder than changing a boy's diaper. I'm pretty skilled when it comes to wiping poop of ball sacks, but not so good at navigating girl parts (which was surprising since I am a proud owner of my own girl parts).

Husband Jared is so cute with her too. He is gentle and sweet in a way that he wasn't with our boys.

He is so in love with her, that he doens't get that mad when I buy too many dresses for her.



 


Kenley sleeps through the night like a champ. Mostly because we read Babywise, but also because she is awesome.

Guess who else is awesome.
My mom. She is the best helper around. She babysat the human monkeys while I took naps, she helped keep my house clean, cooked for us, wiped everyone's butts, and even spent the night at my house when Husband had to go out of town. Thanks mom.

 Even when she cries it's hard to get mad at her since she looks like this:

 You can't get mad at a tiny crying elf.

I can't wait to post the newborn pics my friend Violet Luftkin took!

Easter 2016

My parents went out of town for Easter so they surprised my terror children with an early Easter egg hunt. They are my best parents ever.

We went to a family Easter egg hunt with my Dad's side of the family. That's one good thing about Utah. Family stuff. And free food.

Ryan is obsessed with my 11 year old cousin Ty.
Ty's sister is my kid's regular babysitter so they play together a lot.
Ty is freaking awesome with him. He plays with him for hours.

Ryan says when he grows up, he only wants to live with Cousin Ty.
I told him it's not socially acceptable in Utah, but if he moved to San Francisco he could find acceptance.






Since I forgot Tyler's 2nd birthday earlier this month, I figured I better put in a little more effort for Easter.

I'm not big on buying my kids a ton of toys for each holiday. I know people who for real spend over a $100 per kid on Easter presents. $100!!!!!!!! On toys!
My cheap A** cannot fathom spending that much.

Let's face it. They are middle-class white kids who live in the suburbs and have more toys than they need.

I don't want to spoil them and I don't want my house looking like Toys R Us, so instead of toys they get random food and whatever candy I've been craving.
 They are still stoked Easter morning and I don't have to find storage for more toys they won't play with after 10 minutes. Win.


Last year the Easter Bunny left an awesome treasure hunt for Ryan to find his basket. This year Ryan was hoping there would be another equally awesome treasure hunt.
Before he went to bed he had me write a note and leave out some old flaccid carrots that we found at the back of the fridge.

By the time the kids fell asleep I was feeling pretty un-Eastery.
I wasn't in the mood to make an elaborate treasure hunt, so I just hung up some balloons. Kids like balloons, right?

I also bought them some cereal and some cookies since we needed some snacks around the house anyway. Look how much of my favorite candy is displayed. They had no idea that I was planning on eating a good portion of it. And I did.





I did actually get a couple things just for them. $3 bubbles and a $15 slip and slide. We have a hill in our yard and the slip and slide is going to be magical once it's warm enough to use it. The boys were giddy about both the bubbles and the slide.

See? When you set low expectations, they are happy with anything.

Notice if you will, the lazy sign I made from the Easter bunny making an excuse as to why I didn't hook them up with a treasure hunt.
Ryan understood and wasn't mad about it.

However, he was a bit skeptical of the questionable bunny print/signature I threw on at the end.

I fumbled around trying to make up an excuse as to why the bunny print looked so jacked up. I couldn't think of any plausible excuse so I just changed the subject and offered him a bunch of candy for breakfast.

We did a lot of Easter crafts that day to make up for my lame attempt at being the Easter bunny. The kids were still excited the whole day and loved everything so I guess I still win?

Baby Sara Returns

My baby sister Sara went on a Mormon mission to Kansas for 18 months.

Surprisingly, she didn't get sent home early for behavior infractions.
She worked hard, served others, and grew her questionable pixie haircut out to a more acceptable length.

Mormon missionary homecomings are quite the spectacle.

Everyone gathers at the airport to see the returning missionary. Balloons, signs, and  "welcome home" banners are made since Mormons love crafting and glitter.

Since Baby Sara went to Kansas, the only logical thing to do was to make Wizard of Oz costumes for all the nieces and nephews to wear to the airport.
My mom sewed her butt off.

Aiden and Cryin Ryan were lollipop kids while Brooke was Glenda the good witch:

Little Jackson, also a lollipop kid:

New baby Noah as the scarecrow:

Laura as Dorothy and T-bag as the Tin Man.

 

Baby Sara saw Ryan's hair and I knew in my heart that she appreciated my hairstyling skills:

I don't have a pic of the lion or a pic of all the kids together cause I'm not that smart.

Of course I made the best homecoming poster ever:

Inappropriate on all levels.

St. George With The Barlocker Fam

At the end of May, after our Vegas trip, we drove to Southern Utah to meet my side of the family.

If you've ever been to St. George you know how unbelievably hot it is there.
It got even hotter when these sexy people showed up:

Oooooooh yeah.
It was just a short little trip to get everyone together to remind us how awesome we all most of us are. All of my brothers and sisters (yep, even Fegan) came.

What is there to do in Saint George besides people-watch all the polygamists? Not much that is legal.

Which is why my Dad and Brother, Matthew, brought their Razors down for everyone to play on.

Matthew is one of the better looking members of our family:

 

We hung at at some reservoir with a red sand beach.

Ryan fell face-down in the water and couldn't get up. Matthew's wife, Stephanie ran into the water and saved his life. It was scary and I think I owe her a plate of cookies or a gift card to Taco Bell.

Ryan LOVED playing with his cousins.

Ryan also LOVED punching my favorite brother, Jake, in the crotch.

 Our party of 20 destroyed every place we went to. Outback Steakhouse looked like a zoo while we were all there. A little hipster joint downtown needed a new coat of paint by the time we were done. 

My Dad's birthday was the week before so my Mom and I decided to throw him a suprise party at a park. I decided to do the "Pretty Pink Princess Party" theme. 

I adore my Dad and just knew in my heart that he would love it.

We got to the park a little early and decorated. 

I pictured it turning out a lot cuter than it actually did. 

It took on a "White Trash Extravaganza" vibe by the time we were done.

 

Whatever.... At least we had PARTY HATS!!!!!!! 

My Mom and Dad pulled up and watched us all run behind the trees to surprise him.

We ate Kentucky Fried Chicken (which went well with the white trash theme) and played some fun Mormon games.

Ryan had a freak out after my Dad blew our the candles on his b-day cupcakes.
Ryan thought once the candles were out, the birthday was gone.
Serious stuff.

My mom is the best mom/grandma ever.
Her with Jake's kids, Brooke and Laura.

Titty Monkey Tyler was very sad when we had to leave.

It was a fun little trip, and Fegan only got into a fight with 2 out of her 5 siblings that were there. That's a 60% success rate! Win!!!!

Violated Bananas

Remember this nastiness?

Well a few months ago when my parents visited, I came out to eat breakfast and found this guy molesting my bananas:

My disgusting drawing - colored, cut out, and placed somewhere inappropriate.......by my mom.

Just one of the many examples of why I am so messed up.

Thanks mom! I love being your favorite child.

Best Grandparents EVER

When you have a baby you automatically start classifying everyone you know.

People who are kind to your child vs. People who aren't

I instantly like anyone a lot more if they are nice to Cryin Ryan. 

People who are rude to him are A-holes... no matter what other redeeming qualities they may have. 

If you have a child you know what I am talking about. Nothing is worse than when someone is awful to your precious baby.

This is one of the reasons I love my parents even more.

They are awesome, nice, the best, kind, funny, patient, generous, and rad. 

They are always making an effort to see Pee-Toddler even though we live 2 states away. 

My mom missed Ryan on Easter so the next time they visited, she brought Easter eggs so Ryan could have a mini egg-hunt in our hotel room. 

My dad doesn't even get annoyed when Baby Ryan follows him around for hours. HOURS.
 

Ryan cannot get enough of "pa-pa". My baby shuns me if my Dad is in the room.
They don't question Ryan's mental capacity when he wants to look at "choo choo chains" on the iPad 684 times a day. 

Ryan is constantly talking about his Grandma and Grandpa. When Pee-baby sees a picture of them he runs and gets my phone so I can call them. Of course he just grins at the phone the entire time. 

It's disgusting how cute it is.

My mom even changes his unsavory log diapers.

They don't even judge Pee-baby for his constant nose-picking and butt-digging.

AWWWW! They are some of my favorite people ever.

I am definitely their favorite child. 

The fact that my baby is in love with them only cements my place in their hearts. Score!

amen.