Open Letter of Apology

Dear Person(s) I have Mooned,

I know images of my white bum have littered many of your minds. Now I am older and more aware of the shattered dreams caused by my constant adolescent mooning.

To my entire childhood ward and neighborhood, I am sorry that I felt mooning was the funniest thing ever, even though it kind of is.
Every so often I am reminded by an old friend of my offensive behavior. I now realize that every emotion does not warrant a moon. I also understand that giant magnifying glasses are not an open invitation for mooning.

This girl, who goes by Larry or Jewel, was a major influence in my mooning career. Being the outcasts of the Copper Hills High soccer team, we felt that exposing our cheeks was the only was to gain the respect we deserved. Multiple double dares and her willingness to participate only fueled the madness. While driving to different schools to play soccer, the team would reserve the back seats for Larry/Jewel and myself. Her and I mooning out the back windows really got the team pumped up. I will not even mention the shenanigans of soccer camp. (But I will post of picture....naturally.)

Either way, I now know the error of my ways. I quit mooning cold turkey and have not mooned anyone for months.
I hope all of you that had to endure my calls for attention will forgive me.

That is all, emily

P.S. Melinda, sorry for mooning you at the bus stop that one time. amen.


  1. Do you remember when Larry pee'd in her water bottle because she was sick of Coach Sara drinking from it? I have never laughed harder when Sara needed to qwench her thirst that day...

  2. God bless you for changing your title. Thank you.

  3. OMG! I have been waiting for this apology for YEARS! BTW mooning is pretty funny and I only brought it to your attention because it gave me a good laugh...hahaha :)


Speak with your heart or your private parts, either one is fine with me.