Yes, I've broken the cardinal rule of all rules. The coup de grace of all mortal blows. The question that can only end up embarrassing both the asker and the recipient.
I asked a chick if she was pregnant.
First Offense
When: 2006
Where: Outback Steakhouse in Dayton, Ohio
Who: Me (the waitress) and an unsuspecting customer
Why: I was young and naive
I swear this 30-something year old chick looked 7 months pregnant. Plus, she and her date were holding hand across the table all night talking about kids. When I handed them the check, I inquired about their impending Due Date.
Me: So, when are you due?
Unsuspecting Chick: um, excuse me?
Me: Uhhhhhh... when are you due (*cough*)
UC: I think I misunderstood you, say it again?
Me: Here's your check.
Then I ran away. I also paid another waiter $5 to go pick up their credit card so I wouldn't have to face the angry couple. I didn't get a tip.
Did I learn my lesson??? OF COURSE NOT! I even discussed this last week at a dinner with a group of friends. We all agreed that the question of pregnancy is to be avoided no matter what. A couple days later I did this: Second Offense
When: 2 Days ago
Where: A store at the mall
Who: The salesgirl
Why: I am a flat out idiot
The sales girl looked knocked up. She was actually wearing a maternity shirt that the store had displayed in the front window. I put it together: maternity shirt + pregnant looking stomach = 100% pregnant. WRONG! I felt like such a jerk-off I stayed and talked to her for 10 minutes about her kids. I even looked at pictures of them and said, "Awwwww! They are precious! Look at all that hair!"
Then I left and Jared called me dumb.
Pregnant or fat? That is the question. And I will never ask it again.
I hereby promise to never ask another human that question ever, ever, ever. May God forgive me. amen.
