3.11.2011

The Puberty Game

At the Boys and Girls club, apart from being the best kindergarten and 1st grade after school program teacher, I am in charge of the SMART GIRLS program.

I was assigned this position specifically because I can say "penis" in front of large groups of kids. Really. The other candidates would only commit to saying "pee-pee".

SMART GIRLS is fundamentally centered around maturation, rape, abuse, drugs and how to choose good friends. Oh yeah, with a little bit of self-esteem thrown in for good measure. I have a teacher's lesson manual to provide guidance.

A few weeks ago the 4th and 5th grade girls and I embarked on Lesson #1: The Puberty Game.

First I had to hand out a printout that looked like this:

The girls had to name and draw arrows to the things that happen to your body during puberty. They got a point for each correct identification.

Then we had a discussion about it.... It went as you would expect:

Me: What happens during puberty?

Girls:
-pubes
-your chi chi's get bigger if youre lucky
-that thing where blood comes out of your thingy
-B.O.
-special feelings about boys
-you grow a mustache
-you have to talk about sex at the boys and girls club
-you might get a baby in your stomach

I explained that babies don't automatically get into your body, you have to try to put them there.
They asked where you got little babies and how to put them in.
I told them that you have to have sex.

Also, at the beginning of the class I told them that if they had any questions they didn't want to ask out loud, they could write them down and I would answer them at the end. The questions all looked like this:



I bluntly told them.

Then the entire class stared at me and pregnant stomach like I was the biggest slut ever.
amen.


3 comments:

  1. oh my gooosh. you have no shame! i would have been completely red and tripping over words. just ask brittany, alisa, maddy and ruth how i looked when i taught the yw's lesson on "the sacred power of procreation." natasha wasn't there so i'm positive i scared them into never having sex! but then i guess that was half the point. next time, i'm enlisting you.

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  2. I guess its a good thing you didn't tell them that sex feels awesome if you do it right!
    :D That could prove to be bad!

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  3. SMART GIRLS program? SMART ASS program. Yeah, that sounds like a better suited name. PS please stop posting picture of your cats anus on the interweb. Its not ladylike.

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Speak with your heart or your private parts, either one is fine with me.