The Puberty Game

At the Boys and Girls club, apart from being the best kindergarten and 1st grade after school program teacher, I am in charge of the SMART GIRLS program.

I was assigned this position specifically because I can say "penis" in front of large groups of kids. Really. The other candidates would only commit to saying "pee-pee".

SMART GIRLS is fundamentally centered around maturation, rape, abuse, drugs and how to choose good friends. Oh yeah, with a little bit of self-esteem thrown in for good measure. I have a teacher's lesson manual to provide guidance.

A few weeks ago the 4th and 5th grade girls and I embarked on Lesson #1: The Puberty Game.

First I had to hand out a printout that looked like this:

The girls had to name and draw arrows to the things that happen to your body during puberty. They got a point for each correct identification.

Then we had a discussion about it.... It went as you would expect:

Me: What happens during puberty?

-your chi chi's get bigger if youre lucky
-that thing where blood comes out of your thingy
-special feelings about boys
-you grow a mustache
-you have to talk about sex at the boys and girls club
-you might get a baby in your stomach

I explained that babies don't automatically get into your body, you have to try to put them there.
They asked where you got little babies and how to put them in.
I told them that you have to have sex.

Also, at the beginning of the class I told them that if they had any questions they didn't want to ask out loud, they could write them down and I would answer them at the end. The questions all looked like this:

I bluntly told them.

Then the entire class stared at me and pregnant stomach like I was the biggest slut ever.


  1. oh my gooosh. you have no shame! i would have been completely red and tripping over words. just ask brittany, alisa, maddy and ruth how i looked when i taught the yw's lesson on "the sacred power of procreation." natasha wasn't there so i'm positive i scared them into never having sex! but then i guess that was half the point. next time, i'm enlisting you.

  2. I guess its a good thing you didn't tell them that sex feels awesome if you do it right!
    :D That could prove to be bad!

  3. SMART GIRLS program? SMART ASS program. Yeah, that sounds like a better suited name. PS please stop posting picture of your cats anus on the interweb. Its not ladylike.


Speak with your heart or your private parts, either one is fine with me.