3.26.2015

Apology Dong/Flowers


Jared has bought me flowers a total of 2 times our entire 11 1/2 year relationship.
To be fair, I haven't bought him any.

I'm not a flower type of girl. I'm more of a $5 gift card to Taco Bell type of girl.


(By the way, Herriman now has it's very own Taco Bell which I am hugely excited about.)


I know this is going to be really surprising, but sometimes, my husband and I fight.

I know. Its super weird. 

Our most recent argument centered around the usual theme - I am an amazing wife who is thoughtful, amazing and I put out a lot while Jared is the worst husband in the entire world.

I'm sure you other perfect wives out there can relate.

We had a massive argument and the next day Jared went out of town.
He was gone for a few days. We didn't talk much or resolve anything.

When he came home he walked sheepishly through the door. He had bought Ryan and Tyler some toys. After they opened everything up, Jared presented me with a gift:




I can't post the unwrapped version, because it is NSFW. But here is the receipt:



Yes, that says Classic 10" Dong.

He told me he bought it for me since we would probably not be having husband-wife-special-time for a while after the big fight we had.

How thoughtful of him.

If you could see my face when he gave it to me you would think, "that girl is NOT amused".

According to the statistic I just made up, only 3% of husbands think it's funny to buy their wives Classic 10" Dongs after an argument.

I told Jear-Bear that next time, he would probably be better off if he brought me flowers instead.

Two hours later these appeared:





At least he tried.

4 comments:

  1. Bahahahah I'm so glad you're back to blogging!

    ReplyDelete
  2. I'm laughing so hard, I'm crying.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I'm laughing so hard, I'm crying.

    ReplyDelete

Speak with your heart or your private parts, either one is fine with me.