10.26.2015

Polygamist Chic



I've got 99 problems, but a Halloween costume ain't one.

I found this Polygamist style dress in my mom's costume closet last year.




I have been spiritually bonded with it ever since.

I knew the universe had put this dress in my path for a reason, and that reason was for me to wear it on Halloween.

But last year as Halloween approached, my mom totally betrayed me (and the dress) by lending it out to someone else.
In Utah, Polygamist dresses like this are in high demand.
My 2014 Halloween was ruined and I had to be a crappy skeleton.

I wasn't about to lose the dress again, so I stole it, hid it in the back of my closet, rubbed my face against it everyday, and patiently waited for an entire year to wear it again.

My parent's costume party was last weekend, and I knew my special moment had arrived.

When it come to anything inappropriate or offensive, I like to think of myself as an overachiever.
I knew the most important part of a Sister-Wife costume was the hair, so I was going to do it the best I could.

While searching for ideas I came across one of the most magical YouTube videos I have ever had the pleasure of viewing:



Did you notice the uplifting music in the background?!? Probably not, since you were too busy taking notes.

I also got a few more style tips from this life changing blog:

Polygamy Chic

By the time I was all dressed and ready to go I couldn't even look in the mirror. I was a little ashamed/giddy that I looked so authentic. I probably have Sister-Wife blood running through my veins.





You know how some girls dress up as a slutty version of whatever they are for Halloween, like a slutty cop, a slutty witch, a slutty Disney princess, or a slutty mom?

Well, I thought about modifying the costume to be the slutty version of a Sister-Wife but I was already showing my ankles and Jared could barely keep his hands off of me as it was:




Look at my shoes and nervous face.

This picture maybe took it a little to far.




I could not even handle myself by the end of night.

When I tried to have serious conversations I knew there was nothing I could say that would distract people from the fact that I had on a fancy lace bib/collar.

It was especially awesome that Jared and I were the only adults really dressed up. 




BTW, does anyone know where I can meet hot young polygamist singles (or married, whatever...) in my area?



Note: While I have deep respect for religious freedom and individual's agency, I reserve the right to make fun of clothing and awesome hairstyles as I see fit.




2 comments:

  1. I want to be wife #2 in this union. Not because of Jared, just because I bet you'd be super good in the sack. Plus you like to clean.

    ReplyDelete

Speak with your heart or your private parts, either one is fine with me.