Our White Trash Thanksgiving

March seems like a great month to start blogging again. I'm 8 months pregnant with kid #3 and I only puke 2-3 times a day, so things are really coming together for me.

Please excuse my out-of-order and extremely late blog topics for the next little while.

We had plans to spend Thanksgiving dinner at my parents house with a few of my siblings and their families.
After living out of Utah for 10 years, having family around for the holidays is great. Mostly because they make me food.

Then I found out my morally questionable sister Rachel was bringing a few of her "friends".
Though I adore Rachel, she does not have the best taste in friends as they are always trashy and ethically challenged.

One of her last friends stole my Microsoft Surface Tablet from my house and tried to pawn it. It was awesome. I never got it back. I really need to take the time to write an entire post dedicated to that douche bag because the whole story is unbelievable (if you are a normal law-abiding citizen).

Either way, Rachel picks bad people to befriend and then brings them around our family. I really don't need myself, my kids, or my wallet anywhere near people like that.

I decided to kindly ditch out of my parents dinner invite. So did 2 of my brothers for the same reason.
It wasn't that big of a deal though. My parents understand, they locked up their wallets too.

I knew that with my natural class and hostessing skills I could have my own Thanksgiving dinner and it would be enchanting.

Ryan was really excited about the idea of cooking an entire turkey carcass, so I was basically obligated to buy an entire turkey for 2 adults and 2 small children.

Ryan was in heaven. He insisted on sitting by it in the cart.

And look what my little angel made at school:

Ryan also made a culturally appropriated headband and dubbed himself Chief Turkey Pants:

I'm glad he has a teacher who allows him to express himself.

On Thanksgiving day we went and saw a movie with my side of the family. I thought I would be all motherly and make the devil children and their cousins a pinterest-y treat.

Popcorn in a paper bag made to look like a turkey leg. Precious.

And it was especially precious since the butter leaked through and made it look authentically greasy.
The kids loved it.

We got home and started cooking.
Ryan and I made rolls.

Tyler dressed up like a rapist.

Husband cooked everything else. Don't be jealous my husband cooks :)

Ryan set the table super fancy:

He used our fancy black paper plates and was really proud of himself for it. 
He only set 3 place settings, because he said I don't need to eat since I throw up everything anyway and that we shouldn't waste good food like that.

Despite the white trashiness of our celebration the boys were happy and that's all I care about anyway.

A few days later when the kids broke the wishbone, Ryan won and wished all the adults in the world had to wear diapers and poop and pee themselves every day. cute.

By the way, have you ever seen a turkey neck? Because I never have, and when Jared pulled it out of the body I thought our turkey had come with a free sex toy... which I wasn't mad about. 

I hope you all had a Thanksgiving as magical as mine was.


  1. I needed a good laugh---and needless to say, Your family...your two boys are so darn cute and Jared is great. I say that about any guy that can cook.

    I'm so happy to hear you are expecting again. I hope you are, too, but maybe not. When we got to the 4th my hubbies eyes glazed over and all he said was, "More tuition." Do your know the sex?

    So happy to see you post...I always get a good laugh and you are adorable.

    Jane x

  2. I'm so glad your back. I needed a good laugh tonight. And suddenly I'm craving turkey neck for some reason.

  3. You made your own rolls? What a show off. ;)


Speak with your heart or your private parts, either one is fine with me.