Nasty House: Rape Room

 

One of the best things about my house is that there is a ton of storage space.

Storage space is a scarce commodity in Southern California, especially in the older houses.

 

I hate clutter. I hate clutter more than I hate the moderate case of thrush baby #2 and I are passing back and forth lately.

 

I am barely able to act socially acceptable as it is, if my house is a mess, I might as well put my muzzle on and stay in my kennel.

So..... I clean obsessively. Sometimes a clean house is better than sex..... which is not an insult to my husband as much as it is an example of my excitement towards clean stuff. Sometimes, after I scrub the house down, I just want to cuddle and smoke a cigarette.

 

 

I rely on storage space to keep my house creepily neat.

I breath heavily and out of my mouth when I think about it.

I love storage.

 

What I don't love is when one of my storage spaces looks like a rape chamber.

 

One of the bedrooms in my basement has nice travertine floors, mirrored closet doors, ample sunlight, and a door that opens up to a cheery veranda surrounded by a tall awesome hedge

There is even a cute arched walk way cut through the hedge.





This seemingly innocuous room contains a door in the corner that leads to this:

a little dreary, but it is an old house, no big deal. But see that smaller doorway?

 

 

 



Welcome to the rape room.

 

 



 

 

 

It puts the lotion on it's skin.......

 

Creeeeeeeepy, right?

 

There are no lights in there. You have to crouch down to fit since rapists/kidnappers don't care if you can stand up all the way. Dirt floors to absorb blood and tears. And also so they can bury the bodies when they are done. 

What is that white crusty stuff on the wall? Why are there random ropes and wires hanging from the ceiling?

Maybe I should hang something on the stained walls to warm the place up.

 

Or maybe not.


 

Nasty House: Basement

My house is wierd. In California, houses do not usually have basements.
But then again, houses usually don't have a Chapel and a bunch of nuns living there.......

I live on a hill, so the original owners built a walk-out basement.
The lower level is like it's own apartment. There are 2 bedrooms, 1 and 1/2 baths, full kitchen, fireplace and a seperate enterance.

We had always planned on renting it out, because when you pay over a half million dollars for a house, extra rent money is nice.

It was as ugly as the top floor before we remodeled. It looked like the 1970's had diarreah and sprayed it all over our basement:

We ended up remodeling this part of our house first so we could get decent renters. The people that wouldn't mind living in the un-remodeled squalor, were scumbags. Remember the human dog terd, Dane?

Ever since we remodeled, we have had awesome tenents.
Currently, the Mormon Missionaries are renting from us! This is freaking awesome because LDS missionaries don't watch t.v., they don't use the internet, they never have parties or bring home random girls AND they help me carry my groceries in.

Stop being jealous.

Anyway, here are the afters:

Once again, Jared did all the work himself......Dang, my husband is awesome.

Nasty House: Kitchen

We bought our house in 2008 and it looked like this:

The 1960's linoleum looked like it had a bad case of Hepatitis.
The grout in the tile counter top was chipping away, and our appliances barely worked.

It smelled old.
And not the good kind of old. This kind of old smelt disgusting.

It was livable though... and Jear-Bear has a thing for buying the nastiest house he can find.
I'm white trash so I got used to it quickly.

Jared thinks the only way to remodel anything is to rip everything down to the studs and start from scratch.

He is crazy.

 Is it just me or is it kind of sexy that he built the cabinets himself?

We moved our kitchen stuff the the living room for the 5 months he was remodeling! Lucky me.
Yes, that is a camping stove next to our couch.

When we finally saved enough money to remodel I insisted on white cabinets.
I am obsessed with white. It looks so fresh and clean.

We left a 36 inch space for an awesome stove like this one:

But since we are poor, we didn't have an extra $6000 to spend on a stove. We will get one soon though. Then I might feel obligated to actually cook for my family!

For now we just bought a cheap stove for $400 and will continue my crappy "cooking" in the microwave.

You all know how I feel about my sink.

We also went to a granite quarry to pick out the awesome granite.

I'm just happy that all my appliances are out of my living room and that my house doesn't smell like old stuff.
amen.