Stupid Things I've Cried About While Being Pregnant

This is actually hard for me to admit, but being pregnant with baby #3 has left me a sobbing mess.

I'm not a cryer.
I hate crying.

I have a sick sense of pride that tears rarely leave my body.

My first two pregnancy's had no effect on my emotions. I felt normal as far as emotions went.

A lot of people say that being pregs with girls is different than being pregs with boys.

As I looked back over the last 37 weeks, I realized what a crying little wuss I've been.
I don't know if it's because my baby has a vagina or if I'm turning into one.

The extra embarrassing part is what I cry about. It's the stupidest stuff ever. I would never shed tears over this stuff in real life.

Here is some of the stupid stuff I've been blubbering about:

• My hair.

I got my hair done a month ago. It was too blonde, so I cried 4 days in a row until I got it fixed. I even cried in front of Husband and it was super embarrassing.

Look how yellow/orange it was.
I sobbed about this on the phone to my mom. I know it's just hair. Embarrassing.

• Jared and I didn't have sex before he went out of town.

Because now he thinks I'm fat and ugly and he doesn't love me anymore. I just know it. And what if he dies and that was my last chance to bang him?

Don't worry though. I called him, he turned his car around, and came home for a quickie. 

• A video of a precious moment between a mom and baby. 

It made me cry but that didn't stop me from watching it 20 times.

• The baby's room was a mess.

 Yeah, I whimpered about this too. Then I just organized it and was fine. 

• I threw up in public.

I'm no stranger to throwing up in public, I do it all the time when I'm knocked up.
But now that I'm in the 3rd trimester it suddenly makes me cry.
I don't cry until I get home, but still.

• I scratched my car.

I don't even care about my car. I don't need the newest or coolest car.

There is a reason I drive an older inexpensive car, and that reason is because I like not stressing out about it. But you better believe I cried about scratching the car I don't care about. Why? Cause I'm pregnant.

• I peed my pants for the 8937089286th time.

It's frustrating and I'm sick of doing extra laundry. Plus, my 5 year old harasses and bullies me about it.

• A guy hit on me at the grocery store.

That is so freaking disgusting to me. A guy is really interested in hooking up with a girl who is pregnant with another man's baby? Ew, Gross. He was even wearing an Ed Hardy-esque shirt with rhinestones. What kind of world am I bringing a baby into?

• My brother, Jake, and his girlfriend, Jenny, threw me a little birthday party.

It was so cute and unexpected. It was so nice of them. They made my favorite french dip sandwiches and got me cupcakes.

They bought me flowers and a meat stick.

 AND a freaking Raptor skull because skulls make me happy.

It was so nice. Of course I cried.

• I can't see my pubes good enough to trim them.

What is my ob/gyn going to think? I want to be judged by the content of my character and not my pube situation.




This is just a small sampling of all the stupid stuff I've cried about. Hopefully I'm not the only pregnant girl that does this.
WWHHAAAHHH!

Valentines Day 2017: At Least I Tried

My mom always made holidays special for us as kids.

I want to do the same for my little crotch muffins.
One of my New Year's Resolutions was to put more of an effort in making special days awesome for them. Especially since I forgot T-Bag's birthday last year.


I stayed up a solid 25 minutes after my bedtime decorating my house with stupid Valentine's day stuff. I only did it because kids love decorations.

 

I hate clutter so the fact that I put up decorations is a testament to how much I'm willing to sacrifice for my kid's happiness.

By the way, why do kids like decorations so much? It's freaking weird.



In my pregnancy induced stupidity, I thought it would be a good idea to leave a confetti trail on the carpet.
I am an idiot.
I sprinkled hundreds of tiny red glittery hearts down our entire hallway.

 

Don't ever do this. 
That picture does not illustrate the magnitude of glitter hearts that littered the hallway.

I realized what a bad decision this was immediately after the boys woke up, ran through them 50 times, and scattered them throughout the entire freaking house.
At least I tried.


After my late night decorating binge I started Valentines Day off right by making beautiful red pancakes for the boys.

The pancakes ended up looking more like raw hamburger patties, but my boys are used to my culinary failures.

At least I tried.

What I didn't fail at was the incredible heart-shaped peanut butter cookies I made later that night. That's the only thing I can make food-wise. cookies.

We had to go to Costco and because it was a day of dedicated to love, I let them do the thing they love most there. Jump in the pillow displays.

 I'm sure the employees love it too.

I even made a bunch of paper hearts and hid them around the house for the kids to find.

 I should of thought of this activity sooner. The kids loved it, and it kept them busy for 30 minutes which is a huge win in the parenting world.


I don't know if I can ever redeem myself for forgetting T-Bag's 2nd birthday, but at least I tried :)

Questionable Kids Shows On Netflix

I'm knocked up with my 3rd child. I hate being pregnant and am sick the entire 9/10 months.
Because of this, I am apathetic about my kids TV consumption.

They have been watching SOOOOOO much TV these past weeks months.

I still feel like I am an awesome mom because every once and a while I make them watch shows about smart people stuff, like Bill Nye the Science Guy and Ultimate Animal Fights. I also let them out of their kennels once a week.

But....  we need to talk about Netflix.

I love Netflix. I love how cheap it is.
We don't have cable or normal TV, so Netflix is all we use. 
I love that there a a ton of wholesome kids shows.

I love that I can sit my kids in front of the TV for hours at a time without annoying commercial breaks.
I don't need my kids to be bugging me to buy the latest sugar cereal and Nerf guns.


However, there are a few shows that I'm a little concerned about.
Which is unfortunate since I am already concerned about my children in general.

Ryan knows how to turn on any show he wants by himself.

That explains why I walked out and saw a talking cartoon butt on the TV screen one day.

Now, I am a person that can appreciate a well illustrated butt.
However, what I cannot appreciate, is my 5 year old appreciating cartoon butts.

The is a show actually called, The Day My Butt Went Psycho.

It's about a dude who is a junior butt fighter and his butt.... that went psycho.

The butt even has a name, and that name is Deuce.
For those of you that are as well-versed in all things poop, Deuce is another name for the number 2.
The number 2 is also a common nickname for poo. As in #1 is pee and #2 is poo.

So the butt's name, Deuce, means poop.
It's actually pretty clever.
But ultimately, I have way too much poop and butts in my life right now.



Then there is a little animated show called StoryBots.

It's a cute show that is educational and fun.
What concerns me is the freaking weird stuff that randomly pops up while you're watching it.

My kids were just hanging out, tryna learn about animals when this freaky camel song came on and creeped them out.

 

Were you aware that camels made that sound? 
You can see it for yourself in Season 1 Episode 4: Animals and Emotions

I don't need extra creepy things keeping my kids up at night. They already have to deal with images of me throwing up and peeing my pants every day.



You may be surprised to find out that Little Einsteins is another show I have problems with.

First of all, whoever thought of calling a kid show something with Einstein in it is brilliant.
Who doesn't want their kid to be an Einstein?

One day I would like my kids to understand physics and do their hair super sexy.

I was a fan of Little Einsteins until I saw how the red spaceship thing bounces around.

A boner shaped spring. That's how it bounces around. A boner spring.

You can watch this pseudo-porn in Season 1, Episode 5: Pirate's Treasure.



Oh, and there is a coloring page online if you want to cement that reality in your kid's head:

 Print it at: coloringsky.com

Or you could buy them this suggestive toy spaceship.
I'm not here to judge you're parenting decisions.

Anyway, I just want all you other negligent moms - who let their kids watch too much TV - to be warned about the potential dangers of Netflix. 

Let's just focus on protecting the children.