Friday, August 17, 2012

Security Tags

I was at my local CVS the other day.
While stocking up on my weekly supply of suppositories and Tampax, I noticed something rather strange.
Security tags on all the condoms and lubricants.



Nothing else at the store had the sensors on it.
BUT, baby formula was behind a glass cabinet under lock and key.

This leads me to believe that the city of Camarillo, California has a serious problem.
Apparently, a disturbing number of citizens are stealing KY and Trojans.

Surprisingly, the condoms are breaking at a disturbing rate causing the rubber thieves to have babies. Babies need food. This leads to the stealing of baby formula.

I think the Mayor and City Council should definitely address this at their next meeting. 

Friday, August 10, 2012

Dirty Jenga

I went  to the military commissary with my awesome and funny friend Lisa a couple of months ago.

I bought Jenga.

Jared hates playing games so I had to be creative to get him to play with me.

Introducing: Dirty Jenga

Rules:

1. Make sexual bets based on who will win the game.

               Example A: If I win you have to give me a massage... with your privates.
               Example B: If I win you have to leave the lights on.
               Example C: If I win you have to shower before we do it. 

2. Trash talk your opponent with references to your dirty bet.

               Example A: Hey crybaby, I'll go get the massage oil ready.
               Example B: If I were you I would put on some more makeup and self tanner, the  
                                  lights are staying on tonight loser!!!
                Example C: Hey stinktits, Should I just get the shower started now?

3. Loser pays debt. (without crying.)


This makes for a great Family Home Evening activity.

Tuesday, August 7, 2012

Minivans


Pros

  • Practical
  • Spacious
  • Seats 7
  • Ample trunk space
  • Towing capabilities
  • Decent gas mileage
  • Comfortable for travel
  • Large enough to separate fighting kids
  • Good for carpooling
  • Adults fit in the back
  • Easy to put kids in their car seats

Cons

  • They look stupid
  • I hate them

You know how everyone says men who drive huge trucks have small wieners? I suspect the minivan is the women's version of that same phenomenon. 
Girls who drive minivans must have really small vaginas
amen.


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