Everyone I know is pregnant or has kids or wants them. I am surprised/hurt that no one comes to me for advice about kid stuff.
I am pretty much an expert on this subject since I was once a fetus and a kid, but not at the same time. After trying for a short time to get impregnated, one of my brothers and his wife became very disturbed. I offered my sage advice, "...maybe you're not using the right hole." After this, they finally succeeded. I have yet to receive a thank you card.
My older and favorite brother also snuck a bun in his wife's oven. I know it was because of my suggestion to give his wife a surprise birthday lap dance. One thing led to another.
With two of my brother's wives expecting, Mom has taken it upon herself to harass me into getting pregnant. Last time I checked, sperm was what got a girl pregnant, not harassment. But I love Mom, so I allow her to do this. Today, for my own entertainment purposes, I decided to make Mom really happy.
I sent her an email with the subject line: Surprise! Ultrasound Pics!
then included one-I bet she cant wait!