Last night Jared and I went to visit our good friends who had just had a little baby girl. She was only 5 lbs
or about the size of a pot roast. I hate to admit it but I love little babies. As soon as I walked in I handed New Mom her gift then monopolized the baby. I only let someone else touch her when she pooped her pants. And I still liked her after that.
Jared loves babies more than me. If he could give birth I bet he would. He wants one yesterday. The closer I get to actually having one the more scared I become. For instance, I could have graduated this December, but I decided to take a few more classes and now I'll graduate next spring. I use school as a total cop out.
I have had ample experience with children. I am the second oldest of 7 kids, my older brother was crazy so he doesn't count, I might as well be the oldest. Mom was sick with Colitis and by default I did my fair share of making sure the little brats stayed alive. Though I did my best to make it fun. Punishments included:
-bare knuckle boxing matches between the perpetrators.
-sitting beside the TV so they could watch everyone else watching it.
-cleaning my room or the dirtiest bathroom.
-making my brothers dress up in tutus while I photographed for later blackmail.
This is what happens when you leave an unpaid angry 13 year old in charge.
In recent years I have been a nanny. Don't worry, I am much nicer to kids who aren't my siblings. I have watched kids for up to two weeks at a time while the parents go on vacation. I help out in the nursery at church and I'm in love with those little humans. Maybe this is why I am unsure about having children: I know exactly what I am getting into....well I have a pretty good idea.
Also, I am selfish. I figure these are some of the only times in my life when it is somewhat acceptable. I don't know if I am cut out for the crazy job that Motherhood is. I find myself worrying about dumb things that come with babies. Case in point:
- I do not live near family, who will babysit?
- When will I work out?
- How will I function on less than 9 hours of sleep?
- How big are my boobs going to get?
- What do you do when you're chillin out with a baby all day?
- What if I break it?
- If I don't like it can I give it away?
I also drool over every baby I see, even If I don't know them. I make all my "Mom" friends let me hold their little kids, if they don't let me I will bribe the kid with candy. I really want babies when I see a cute one.... I want to run home and jump on Jared. I feel like octomom. This is what scares me. I think I am going to try to limit my time around cute babies.
I am sure I'll come to terms with motherhood eventually. Until then I will keep extending my graduation.
amen.
