I'd Like to Order a Pizza Please.

In light of recent events at a North Carolina Domino's Pizza, I have thought back to my days working at food establishments.
If you have not seen the disturbing video of two employees doing disgusting things to food, you are lucky, it has now been taken down by youtube. It is awesome that the perpetrators are a 31 year old girl and a 32 year old boy. When I finish school I can only hope to have such a rewarding career. They blow snot, cough, and fart on food they are making for the public. Cheese is cheerfully placed up the dudes nose as the girl videotapes with full commentary. These two look like meth addicts with a penchant for grease baths. Very entertaining.

I have had my fair share of crappy jobs. The most notable being Drive Thru Girl at Taco Bell. I was 15 and worked with a bunch of other adolescent boys. My manager was a closeted lesbian who secretly took me to get my bellybutton pierced. She also gained popularity by letting the rest of the crew drink at her trailer. Surprisingly enough no one ever messed with the food. OK. I take that back. I did ONCE. A fellow classmate whom I hated came through the drivethru and ordered a bean burrito, I made it for him and put some extra meat inside. Not so bad...expect for the fact that he was a Vegan. Also, being teenagers with lots of time and a deep fryer on our hands, we fried a frog... but we dumped the oil out after... I think.

While I was a hostess at TGI Fridays I remember angry servers licking their fingers then stirring their customers drinks. Pretty fowl. This is why I am always polite if I ever eat out.

As a waitress at Outback Steakhouse I never saw the pot heads in the kitchen screw with anything. They took way too much pride in their food creations. I assume this is because other than making a great steak, their marijuana filled lives
weren't that fulfilling. Plus we all know how the munchies make you appreciate and respect food.

UPDATE 4/27/09: I forgot one nasty thing another jaded 40 year old server did at Outback. When customers would piss him off he would "crop dust" them. This maneuver is executed by slowly walking by their table after they received the food and farting, coating them in a layer of your nastiness, hence "crop dusting." Gross, but pretty funny.

Ultimately I think It is still safe to eat out.... unless bitter 30 year olds are making your food.



  1. Oh my hell...you have got to be the FUNNIEST person on the planet!! I haven't read your blog since the camel toe entry, so tonight I got a good laugh!! Keep up the hilarious entries!! Love ya Sista!!

  2. Where on earth do you get your ideas for your posts? I love that most of them are just random memories.

    We still need to have you guys over for dinner. Got any big plans this Sunday? Let me know.

  3. So Lori was a closetcased Lesbian???? I didn't know that! Man that makes so much sense! j/k. She was awful. Your blog is hilarious.


Speak with your heart or your private parts, either one is fine with me.