2.28.2013

Victory Interrupted

My diet is about 75% candy. For reals.
Because of this I have irregular bowel movements.
I only drop the kids off at the pool every few days.

Most married couples I know have little reservations about pooping, farting and peeing in front of one another. Jared certainly thinks this is ok. My day is not complete until he dumps a load while I'm in the bathroom.

 That's great that people feel so comfortable in front of each other that they will drain all of their body's nastiness out while the other is watching.

I, however, prefer to keep a little mystery when it comes to my personal fluids. A woman should always keep a little mystery.
I have never gone #2 in front of my husband. I don't even like to do it when he's in the house.
We have had some big arguments about him walking in on my while I take a pee.

Yesterday Jare-Bear knew I was struggling with a ferocious bout of constipation. When I finally felt confident enough, I snuck into the bathroom.

20 seconds later I was rudely interrupted when I heard this playing in the hallway:




Jared started cheering me on.
"You can do it Emily!!!!"
"Don't give up"
"De-fense! De-fense! De-fense!"


It totally messed up my concentration.
I wanted to knock him out.
amen.


4 comments:

  1. hahahaha oh my hell.
    That. is. AWESOME.

    I would NEVERRRR go #2 with Spencer home. If I was desperate enough I would drive to my mom's house to go before I went with spencer home.

    the end.

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  2. I feel that I should remind you that you have no reservations around me. Should I feel special???

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  3. part of the reason I wake up so early in the morning is so I can poop long before my husband wakes up. I wont toot in front of him either...except once when i coughed a little too hard.

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  4. You have no idea what a relief it is to know that not every wife enjoys pinching a loaf in front of their husbands.
    Seriously. I have a little more faith in humanity now.

    ReplyDelete

Speak with your heart or your private parts, either one is fine with me.