Meat Seller

Herriman, Utah is infested with door to door salesmen.
It's a nice city with a ton of new, beautiful houses so they think they are going to hit the jackpot here.

A lot Mormon boys go on a two year mission when they turn 18 year old. In a sense, they spend those 2 years selling religion door to door, so when they are tasked with selling lawn care or window washing it is no big deal.

They are used to people answering the door in pajamas and annoyed, and having doors slammed in their faces,
Mormon missionaries are masters of hard work and brushing things off. That is why a ton of them take awful sales jobs when they return.

This summer there were days when 3-4 salesmen would ring my doorbell. Seriously.

I get super pissed off because I have to hurry and put on a bra before I answer the door.

I hate being bothered. And I hate answering the door to strangers when I'm home alone with the kids. Ever heard of the BTK killer? Google it.
But if something crazy ever happened I would 2nd amendment them so bad.

I never buy anything from these guys because I am too cheap and I do everything myself.

I understand these jerk-offs are just doing their jobs but screw them. I'm basically polite to them but I especially hate it when they try to use dumb sales tactics after I already told them no.

I had to hang a mean sign to get some peace and quiet.

The day after I hung my mean sign, my doorbell rang!!!!!!

I peeked out the window and saw a large 40-something year old man. He looked beat up.
Husband was home but there was no way I was opening the door, so I cracked the window. He was standing super close to the door and then moved right next to the window after I opened it.

He says: Do you enjoy delicious red meats?
I'm selling some of the freshest meat you will ever taste.

I was thinking, human meat?

He was parked in our driveway. He had a white rapist van with no windows. It had Texas license plates. creepy.

Who parks in a driveway if you are selling door to door? Rapists, that's who.
Normal people park at the end of the street and just walk to each house.

I did not want anything to do with this dude or his delicious meats.

I went and got Jared so Creepy Meat-Man would know my husband was home. When Jared went to the door, Meat-Man hurried and backed away from the porch.

Husband denied the fresh meat also and the dude left quickly. I didn't see him go to any of the other houses on my street.

I also noticed my no soliciting sign was missing, like he tore it off.

I may be a little paranoid but that is amazingly creepy, right?

Never open your door to scary men. 


  1. I bet the meat he wanted you to sample was still attached to his body..,

  2. Yikes!!!! THANK YOU JARED! Next time, get me, and I'll scare him off! I don't care if I put on a bra, and I'm old!!!! yeah.... just what ya'll are thinkin'.....


Speak with your heart or your private parts, either one is fine with me.