Maternity Pics

I saw some AMAZING pictures of knocked up chicks on Pinterest. I never took any cool pictures the first time I was pregs, so I wanted to make sure I did for #2.

I had plans of drinking copious amounts of Castor Oil during week 38, so towards the end of week 37 I got to work.

I am too cheap to pay a photographer and I feel douchey posing for pictures. We have a good camera and I'm decent at PhotoShop so in between my morning sickness/pants-peeing I make Jared point and shoot.

I threw on some white clothes and just took the pics in my bedroom.

Sorry. I HAD to document my awesome pregnancy boobs for future generations. FYI, I was wearing shorts in this picture, I don't do crotch shots.

The photos are a little deceptive though.
The reality was closer to this:

Don't judge.

Birth Plan

While pregnant, I had read and heard a lot about birth plans.
Some girls get all crazy about these things and plan their labor and delivery down to the minute.
I never made one for my first kid.

I like to plan things and be in control but I'm reasonable enough to know that you can't plan that mess.

You especially can't plan it if you give birth in a hospital. The doctors are going to do what they think is best no matter how organized your birth plan is.... even if you typed it up in a cute font.

With #2, I made one anyway.

So, a few weeks ago when I went to the hospital in labor, I brought my birth plan.

I handed it to the L&D Nurse folded up. I could tell she was thinking," Ugh.... not another chic with an annoying birth plan...."

 

After getting me taken care of, she opened it up:

 

 

 

 

 

She was amused............... and I got an epidural.

 

 

 

 

 

Titty Monkey?

When my first kid, Ryan, was born, his nickname "Cryin' Ryan" came about pretty organically.
So did his other titles:

- Pee-Baby (which later became Pee-toddler)
- Little Baby Poo Hands
- Psycho
- Rhyner or Rhyney
- Terror Child
and (to throw in a nice name....) Cuddle-bear



My new baby, Tyler, needs a few nicknames too, since I only use their given names in public or when they are in BIG trouble.

We were at the Santa Barbara zoo last week and came across the exotic Titi monkey of South America.

Titty Monkey is actually a pretty accurate description of baby Tyler. He looks monkey-ish and he loves titties.

I have also considered calling him:

- Play-dough factory

- Soft Serve

Both names in reference to his bowel habits.

Also:

- Old man baby

- Piss-face

Tyler has peed in his own face more times than I care to count.
One time he filled up his eye sockets with pee while I was changing his diaper. There were actual puddles. His eyes were squeezed closed. He also got some urine in his mouth.
I had to hurry and turn him over so I could pour the pee out of all his face holes.

Too bad I already used the name Pee-Baby with Ryan.

- #2

Jared and I have been calling Ryan, #1 and baby Tyler, #2, so we can talk about them when they're annoying and Ryan won't know who we trash-talking.

#2 has a nice ring to it.

 

 I'll go with that for now.